Is it possible for grief to become quiet tender joy?

Self-compassion is very important when life is painful.

Psychologist Kristen Neff says, “all pain deserves to be held in the warm embrace of compassion, so that healing can occur.”

Such beautiful words.

I have spoken about this before when I have talked about mindfulness. One of the most powerful mindfulness practices is the RAIN meditation, where you apply self compassion, using mindfulness, to pain in your life.

Self compassion applies to everything you encounter in life. It is particularly important in grief.

It is as simple as giving yourself love and compassion. Of being patient. Of allowing yourself to feel pain and of comforting yourself.

It is a matter of being as caring to yourself as you would be to a friend in the same situation.

It is a process that takes a long time. You work through this pain slowly, over time.

Self-compassion has been important for me in healing from the pain of grief.

I have learned to give compassion to my pain. And through that learning I have been able to heal.

Dostoevsky wrote “it is the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy.”

That sounds quite radical.

When I first heard these words I was outraged at the idea that grief can become “quiet tender joy”.

But I now realise that it can happen.

I am not saying that it doesn’t hurt anymore. But it is possible to feel the gentle joy of precious memories.

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief journey and learning how to give yourself self compassion, please contact me on 0409396608 or

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here:

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