It is a common feature of humans that we want to rush through our pain.
That is not surprising. Pain hurts. Why would we want to experience pain any longer than we need to?
When it is physical pain we are suffering from, we take pain killers.
When it is emotional pain the pain killers we take vary. We may deny there is a problem. We may seek to escape by diverting ourselves with other activities. We may take alcohol or drugs. We may engage in other addictions.
All the things we do to remove our emotional pain are ultimately unsuccessful. There is no way to fast forward through the emotional pain we feel.
Our escapism only serves to prolong the pain.
The reality is we need to work through the emotional pain.
We need to acknowledge it.
We need to allow ourselves to hurt.
We need to be kind to ourselves in our hurt.
We need to pay attention to the hurt.
What is it telling you?
What can you learn about your self in this hurt?
What meaning can you ultimately give to this hurt?
I see many people who want to rush through their grief. I don’t blame them. It hurts. But I know that they need to learn to be okay with sitting with the pain.
Marg came to see me after the death of her daughter. She had been ill for most of her childhood and died just as her teenage years were starting.
At first Marg was terribly lost. This was her only child. The only person she had in the world. She was so totally alone. How could she cope? She just wanted the pain to be gone.
Through the counselling sessions Marg summoned the courage to face her pain.
She explored the experiences of others through reading books and searching online.
She started to feel more hopeful of surviving this.
Finally, she met up with her daughter’s friends. She sat with them while they talked about her daughter and all the things they did together. As she sat, she met the daughter these young teenagers knew and loved.
As she met that teenager, she realised her daughter was a whole person that many people missed.
She found a bond with these young people.
She realised that bond would always be there and that was important to her.
She discovered that, although there would be many painful times ahead, she also had peace with her daughter’s death.
In the presence of her daughter’s community of friends she found the meaning she had been seeking.
What Marg discovered was that her pain was not going to go quickly, but she could learn, grow and ultimately find peace by allowing it to be there. And she learned that was an important place to be.
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief and learning to not rush through the pain, please contact me on 0409396608 or email@example.com
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz