Why is it taking so long?

One issue that comes up fairly often for people who have lost their partner is the loneliness and how it can still be present so long after the death of their partner.

For many people who express this as an issue, there is a reason. For many, their partner died when their children were still living at home and the loneliness did not hit until the children left home. For others, financial considerations often lead to them sharing a house with other people. Then some day finances allow them to be on their own.

For all these people loneliness hits when the people they have been living in a house with have gone.

What happens for them is the usual impact of the empty nest combined with the grief over the loss of their partner. The combination of the two events: a twist of loss; and the exit from the house of other people. Suddenly a grief that they may have felt they were adjusted to is back.

The reality is every change in life is going to have the twist of loss added to it. What for many is a normal moving on of family members becomes another reminder of the loss of partner. Everything in life has that impact. Be it moving house, retiring, living on your own. All will need the normal adjustment plus the adjustment of grief.

It is not easy to feel this loneliness. There is no shortcut to take away the pain. Talking about it can help. What ultimately will lead the way forward is an acknowledgement of the pain. “Ouch this hurts”. And giving permission to feel the pain. In time, just as with every other aspect of this grief, you will learn how to fit it into your life.

It can be helpful to talk to a counsellor about it. Sometimes sharing with someone who is less caught up in the grief can be helpful. But remember. There is no magic wand. The pain of loss hurts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *