Research has proven that trauma experienced in childhood impacts on a person’s psychological and emotional well being throughout life. In other words, it impacts their mental health throughout life.
The things that children experience influence the development of the brain and therefore have an influence on behavioural and psychological development.
Chronic Stress is Trauma
Chronic or severe stress, often described as trauma, has a long term effect on the child’s development.
Children exposed to that stress often have low self-esteem, are vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and are more likely to abuse substances and become addicted to them. These substances include cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. The addictions are coping mechanisms that make the addict feel better for a while. Unfortunately over time those substances need to be taken in increasing quantities to impact and the “solution” they offer is only temporary.
Difficulties In Adolescence and Adulthood Caused By Chronic Stress
Self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide are common responses to childhood trauma and the difficulty of coping with the stressors in adult life. There are also psychiatric conditions that have been demonstrated to have childhood trauma as their origin.
Trauma and Chronic Stress Requires Skilled Therapy To Heal
Healing from trauma is not something a pill can fix. It requires skilled therapy.
The best approach is to intervene in childhood to heal the harm caused by childhood trauma. This includes the impacts of bullying on children.
Bullying And The Difficulty For Adults In Handling Bullies
Sadly, many adults do not know how to handle bullies. Many adults adopt the strategies they employed in childhood to manage bullying of children. They try to pretend it isn’t happening and are too frightened to get involved. This results in children not being supported when they need support.
As a result, early and easy to stop bullying behaviours are allowed to fester and grow and increase the damage caused to the victims. Bullies do not stop these behaviours because they grow up. Many childhood bullies, having learned this behaviour meets their need, continue to use bullying behaviours in adult life.
Education Is A Major Stressor
Other stressors in childhood include education. Many children find the constant pressure to perform at school and complete homework tasks is overwhelming. This stress increases throughout childhood and impacts the child’s developing brain and coping skills in adult life.
Self Organisation Impacts
For children who experience chronic stress there are also difficulties in self organisation. This impacts on the children as they proceed into high school and increases stress and its impacts.
Difficulty In Peer Relationships
Children exposed to chronic stress often find it hard to have relationships with their peers. This is particularly so when bullying at school occurs.
The Importance of Early Intervention
It is recognised that children need their difficulties identified as soon as possible and trauma focused therapies used to help them. Therapy in childhood and adolescence is more effective than in adulthood. That said, adults can still be helped if they get the correct trauma therapy.
If you or young people in your life need support then a trauma trained counsellor is the best place to go for psychological and emotional help. Sub heading Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you or your child with the impacts of Childhood trauma and chronic stress, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
When I was a child my mother would put our grown out of clothes in bags for the charity collection. I always remember her saying “there but for the grace of God go you and I”. That is true. We are more at risk of homelessness than many of us realise.
My parents grew up through the depression. My mother lived on a farm and her parents were able to weather the years of scarcity. My father was raised by his single mother. There was no financial support for women, only men, and work was hard to come by. They lived a very hand to mouth existence with unstable accommodation that changed often. I grew up learning the reality of homelessness and need.
Homeless: What Is It
Homelessness has been in the news a lot lately. With a shortage of affordable housing and too many people applying for a limited pool of rental homes there are many people living out of cars, tents, couch surfing and living rough.
By living rough I mean people who have to sleep outside, wherever they can find somewhere safe to sleep. This might be under a bridge, a shop doorstep, on the beach, in a park on the ground. It is an existence far more difficult than those of us who have not experienced homelessness understand.
Misconceptions About Homelessness
There are still many misconceptions about homelessness and homeless people. A number of South East Queensland councils have acted on those misconceptions and are waging war on homeless people.
They subscribe to the misconception that homeless people are alcoholics and drug addicts. They believe homeless people are dirty and leave a mess as well as attracting the “criminal element”. They believe homeless people are criminals and endanger the lives of those “upstanding citizens” who live in the area.
This is not true. Homeless people’s main contact with the justice system is through charges being laid because of where they are sleeping.
Causes Of Homelessness
Research into long term homelessness has shown that one of the major causes of homelessness is trauma. Trauma that results in poor Mental Health. There is so little support for those with poor mental health that many end up homeless.
Research also shows that homelessness is a major cause of trauma and poor mental health.
So those who become homeless but are in good mental health will not stay that way for long. And those who are already mentally unwell will get sicker.
Becoming Homeless Is Easier Than You Think
Becoming homeless after trauma is horrifyingly easy. One case is of a man whose son was killed in an accident. They had rented a home together. This man struggled with grief over his son’s death. This impacted on his work performance, and he lost his job. Then he couldn’t pay his rent. He was unable to find another job. He ended up homeless.
In another case a young woman with severe childhood trauma struggled with PTSD and found it hard to keep jobs. There was not the mental health support she needed to support her in staying employed. She had no one to turn to, no support, and ended up homeless.
It is sadly common for ex military personnel to become homless as a result of severe PTSD. Very little is done to support people who have served in the defence forces.
Homelessness Is A Vicious Spiral.
You become homeless. The lack of sleep and safety damages your mental health. It gets worse. If you are already struggling with poor mental health your mental health deteriorates further.
Sleeping rough on the streets is dangerous. It is never possible to drop your guard, so sleep becomes difficult. Constant vigilance leads to anxiety. Sleep is broken by interruptions: some from council workers moving you on, some from police, and some by members of the public. Unfortunately some members of the public are looking for someone to beat up and you are vulnerable to being their victim.
Constant vigilance reduces the quality and quantity of sleep. You become anxious. Sleep is broken. You never get enough sleep. Studies have shown the detrimental effect sleep deprivation has on people. It results in a deterioration in your mental health.
For homeless women it is worse. Night time is a dangerous time and many women spend the night on the move just trying to stay safe. In the day time they will often hide and try to sleep. Of course sleep quality during the day time is very poor so sleep deprivation and deteriorating mental health are also a problem for women.
It is a vicious cycle. Trauma impacts on the ability to function in society, a society where there are few supports. Inevitably some become homeless. The experience of homelessness, the hypervigilance and the fear feed into more hypervigilance and fear. There is the fear of the initial trauma and then the fear of further trauma. Without good mental health it becomes harder to get off the streets.
Poor mental health is most likely to cause further isolation, deeper anxiety and depression. It can also lead to people using drugs to try to cope with the trauma of homelessness. Treating trauma and supporting those who have become homeless is vital to providing a way out of homelessness.
Secure Sleep Environments Are Also Important.
You may wonder how this relates to you?
It is important to remember that childhood trauma is a major precipitating factor for homelessness. There needs to be more support for childhood trauma recovery. If you have a family member who has suffered trauma then encourage them to seek help. If you are in a position to support counselling financially, or arrange support, then please do it.
Likewise, if you have friends who are struggling then encourage them to seek help and support them to continue with that help by encouraging them to continue with therapy and being there to listen to them.
If you are suffering from trauma then seek help. It can make the difference between you being able to cope with life and maintain a job or becoming homeless.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
*please note that whenever I mention someone in my blogs I never use real names and change the circumstances to de-identify the person who has generously given permission for me to use their story in my blog.
Do you struggle to feel joy, peace and love? Did you know that the unresolved, lingering residue of past overwhelming experiences can get in the way of your ability to feel anything at all?
Many people think there is something wrong with them because they don’t feel the same joy, peace and love they see others feel. I have lost track of the number of people who wonder if they are narcissistic because they can’t feel love for others, even those closest to them.
Many people when honest will admit to not feeling much of anything. There may be transient occasional glimmers of joy and love but it is only ever fleeting.
The reality for these people is that their experience is a natural aftermath of trauma.
Trauma Leads To Numbing
Numbing yourself from emotions is a normal biological reaction to serious trauma. According to trauma researcher and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, trauma is any painful experience that the individual cannot escape and which overwhelms the individual’s capacity to cope.
For children exposed to trauma that capacity has had little if any development so it doesn’t take much to overwhelm them. For adults the extent of their ability to cope will depend on what opportunities were present in childhood to development the capacity to cope.
Why The Brain Numbs and the Impacts
Survival when experiencing overwhelming stress depends on the ability to shut down the areas of the brain that are involved in transmitting the terrifying feelings and emotions experienced in trauma.
The trouble with this shut down is that both negative and positive feelings and emotions are shut down. Many trauma survivors will report feeling like their feelings are frozen and they are separated from those they love by a wall of thick glass.
This is described as emotional detachment, desensitisation, depersonalisation, alexithymia and dissociation.
Imagine not fully experiencing the joy of an amazing piece of music, of a loved one’s touch or an amazing sunset. Imagine instead that you experience only a fraction of the joy such things normally evoke. What you can experience is subdued.
The problem extends to losing the ability to recognise what you are feeling. Reacting to things is often numbed or at best delayed. Making sense of what is going on is really difficult. Being able to look internally and be aware of what you are thinking and feeling and understanding what is actually happening for you doesn’t happen, or may happen much later when it is safe to think.
Why “Quick Fix” Therapies Don’t Work
It is very popular at the moment for people to seek “quick fix” therapies that promise to immediately switch off these problem areas. But these quick fixes don’t work in the long term. Learning to switch on the blocked brain areas takes time. Trauma pathways need to be downgraded and new neuronal networks need to grow to connect the brain to those shut down areas. This takes time. Even in children a new neural pathway takes time to grow and children have faster developing brains than adults.
Much as we would all like our problems to be overcome quickly it is just not possible.
If you have experienced trauma, especially in childhood, you will often find it is hard to describe what you are feeling because you don’t know what your physical sensations in your body mean. This is because you learned to disconnect from your physical sensations in order to manage the overwhelming fear and pain. Your brain then severs the connections between it and the rest of your sensory system in your body.
Losing Your Sense of Who Am I?
This blocking also impacts on your sense of self. You can’t know who you are unless you are able to feel and interpret your physical sensations.
The result of not being able to feel your physical sensations is that you feel muddled and often very hazy inside. You can miss a sense of how overwhelming events in the past were and therefore not be able to comprehend the significance of past events.
Numbing The Past So That It Seems Like Nothing Bad Happened
It is common for traumatised adults to not be able to comprehend how much the past has impacted on them.
One part of trauma therapy involves being able to understand that “blindness” of the past and learn to understand the enormity of what has happened.
An Example.
An example of this is an incident I was in many years ago. I was beaten up by another woman, not because of anything I did wrong, but because that was the space she was in. My immediate response was to feel shame and to feel I did something wrong to cause it to happen. This was something I was primed to believe as a child. I was only beaten because I was bad and it was my fault. It was only later when I told a friend and she reacted with horror that I realised what was done to me was wrong and it was not my fault. I was not used to other people thinking such treatment of me was wrong. This is a common experience for a traumatised child.
The Impact On The Way You Relate To Others
The way you relate to other people, especially those in authority, is impacted by your childhood experience of relationships with the adults in your life. If you had a parent who was angry and judgemental, you may look at authority figures expecting them to be angry and judgemental.
You may also not recognise when you are in an abusive relationship. In my earlier example of being beaten up and feeling it was my fault and feeling shame, I demonstrated a common issue that impacts on adult relationships. For many people caught up in abusive adult relationships it is that early learning that being abused is your fault that leads you to think that behaviour is your fault, not that it is wrong.
How To Recognise Past Trauma
A really effective way to recognise the trauma you have experienced in the past and to help identify it is to be able to create distance between you and the trauma. Some of treating trauma involves teaching you to be able to create some space between you and the thoughts, behaviours and emotions that have been generated as a response to the trauma and triggers of the trauma.
Alongside this is teaching you mindfulness. To be able to feel and observe what is in your body in a safe way.
Distance And Mindfulness Are Companions In Early Trauma Identification And Treatment.
Another aspect of healing is learning to identify the things that trigger the overwhelming memories of your trauma. This allows you to be aware of triggers and take steps to learn not to be overwhelmed by the memories.
Rita, who had a childhood involving severe and terrifying abuse learned to tolerate the physical sensations that sprang up with triggers. These sensations were overwhelming and difficult to cope with. As therapy progressed and she learned mindfulness, to be able to put the scary memories at a distance where she could observe them safely. She learned that avoiding those uncomfortable feelings makes them worse, not better. She learned to see the sensations as sensations that were in the present. But she was safe now and the trauma was no longer happening. With that understanding she was able to learn to calmly notice the sensations and not judge them. Over time she learned that the memories that popped up were of the past and did not constitute threats in her present life.
Severe Anxiety Is Often A Result Of Childhood Trauma
Bruce came to me for help with his severe anxiety.
In therapy he was able to identify that he had grown up in an abusive home environment as the oldest child. He had spent much of his childhood protecting his younger siblings from his father and trying to protect his mother. Like many children in this type of situation, he became parentified. He tried to become the parent as he saw himself as the one who was able to protect his mother and siblings from his father.
In adulthood he worried obsessively about everyone else. He was always concerned about things happening in his siblings’ lives. He worried about his mother. He worried about his wife. He worried about his children. He was constantly hypervigilant and looking for problems he needed to solve. He became overinvolved in his children’s lives and obsessed about things that could go wrong. It became so intrusive in his children’s lives that they cut off contact with him.
In counselling he was able to understand where his hypervigilance and anxiety came from and started learning to feel the sensations in his body and distance himself from the past fears. He practiced mindfulness daily and this allowed him to be use mindfulness when he began to get anxious. In time he learned to let go of his stranglehold on his family and allow them to experience their own difficulties on their own.
At his last session he demonstrated how calm he now felt, how he was able to put anxious thoughts about his family at arms length and process them as not his responsibility and separate them from his past trauma.
Past trauma memories were now memories, sad and scary, but in the past.
He was able to set healthy boundaries around himself and reestablished contact with his children who no longer felt overwhelmed at the intensity of his vigilance over them.
Triggers Are Not Always Bad Things
When working with your trauma it is important to remember that triggers are not always bad things. Nor is being triggered bad. Instead of running away from the feelings and triggers it is important to learn to sit still with those painful feelings.
The Boy In The Forest
There was a boy who wanted to walk through the forest to visit his grandmother. Every time he set out on the path he heard a strange wailing and saw a shadowy figure in this trees up ahead. In terror, he fled back to the safety of the meadow next to the forest.
Several times he tried to walk through the forest and every time he fled in terror at this shadowy figure that wailed strangely.
One day his father decided to come with him. When they heard the scary noise the father kept going. The boy was terrified but kept walking beside his father. They heard the strange wailing and the father didn’t even react. He just kept walking along the path.
Around the corner he could see the shadowy figure writing around his in the trees. His father reached up with his walking stick and caught the figure on the end of the stick, then pulled it towards him. To the boy’s surprise it was an old cloak stuck up in the trees. The wailing sound turned out to be the wind in the trees.
The boy had been avoiding the path because he was too scared to approach the object and see it for what it was. When you are unable to approach your memories you are like that boy. With a counsellor by your side it is possible to face the memories and see them for the past events that they are.
The Risks of Avoiding Your Memories
The risks of avoiding your memories are great. So many people use other things to bring relief. But they find it is only temporary. Numbing can be overeating, restricting food, working too much, excessively exercising, compulsive shopping, pornography, gambling, obsessing about other people, drugs or alcohol and many more. If it numbs you then you will probably try it.
These activities don’t heal the pain and they don’t remove it. They just mask it and the activity has to be done again and again, and you become used to the activity, so it has to be escalated in order to work.
This is why healing work through counselling is so important. In counselling you work to remove the need for numbing and avoiding activities. You can learn to sit with the memories and put them in the past where they belong and not see them as still being in your present.
Allow yourself time to heal, practise mindfulness daily so that you can use it in those triggered moments. Learn to feel into your body and to not be afraid. Learn to feel those emotions and body sensations without fear. Learn to set boundaries between what is now and what was then.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your traumatic memories, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
*please note that whenever I mention someone in my blogs I never use real names and change the circumstances to de-identify the person who has generously given permission for me to use their story in my blog.
How often in your busy day do you find time to care for yourself?
Instead do you find yourself rushing from one task to another and end the day depleted and exhausted?
How often do you wake in the morning dreading the day ahead?
Today I am sharing some ideas of things you can do that will take 5 minutes.
Some of my categories may seem weird but I have based them on research about what assists us to experience less stress. I have given some ideas, you can probably think of many more.
Simple 5 Minute Ideas
My favourite go to simple ideas are:
• A short guided meditation. The app Insight Timer is a great source of 5 minute mediations.
• Writing in your journal about anything.
• Sitting quietly and deep breathing.
• Looking up at the stars in the night sky.
• Savouring a favourite herbal tea.
• Close your eyes and imagine a peaceful place.
• Walk outside and breathe in the fresh air.
• Write down 5 things you are grateful for.
Calming 5 minute ideas
My favourite go to calming ideas are:
• Pat your pet
• Sit in a quiet, peaceful place at home and practice deep breathing.
• Create a vision board of your favourite self care practices. Add to it when taking your 5 minute calming time
• Sing a favourite song
• Close your eyes and just focus on breathing
• Massage your wrists
• Doodle
Positive 5 minute ideas
Focusing on the positive is very calming. My favourites are:
• Visualising a wonderful future
• Reading a good news story
• Writing a loving, positive note to your future self
• Reminisce about a happy memory
• Smile as you take a selfie
• Look at Art that inspires you
• Quick repair to an item of clothing – such as sewing on a button.
Declutter5 Minute Ideas
May seem weird but clutter is stressful and decluttering is calming.
• Quickly throw together some leftover fruit and green vegetables and make a smoothie
• Organise a drawer (or part of it)
• Write down on thing to achieve for the rest of the day
• Make a list of the things you have completed/accomplished recently
• Reorganise part of your desk (or all if it can be done in 5 minutes)
• Journal what you are thinking
• Tidy your Email inbox
• Choose one item of clothing you no longer need and donate it
Social5 Minute Ideas
• Text a friend a message of appreciation
• Post a positive status on your social media
• Send a friend a song you think they will like
• Send a message to friends suggesting a get together
• Send a thank you note to someone
• Have a quick catch up with someone special – let them know you have 5 minutes and just want to connect for 5 minutes.
• Share a joke or funny meme you have seen recently
• Tell someone you love them
Move5 Minute Ideas
• Stand up and stretch. Reach for the sky then down to your toes.
• Dance to a great song
• Roll your shoulders backwards and forwards
• Try out assorted power poses – shoulders back, feet firmly on the ground, head up.
• Sit in your chair slightly differently. Maybe push yourself back into the chair more so you sit more upright.
• Try some simple yoga poses
• Jump. Use a skipping rope or do star jumps.
• Go outside and walk around the garden
• Give a thirsty plant some water
Enjoyable5 Minute Ideas
• If you like incense or scented candles light one and breathe in that beautiful aroma
• Listen to something inspirational
• Listen to a song you love
• Read a motivational quote
• Start your bucket list and spend 5 minutes brainstorming ideas for it
• Draw what you can see out the window
• Doodle – have a special notebook to do this in and you will always have it on hand
• Colour a page in a colouring book
• Give yourself a quick foot bath
Cozy5 Minute Ideas
• If it is nighttime, put on your comfortable pyjamas
• Snuggle up with a favourite book
• Massage your palms with your thumbs (it feels so relaxing)
• Put your favourite songs into a playlist.
• Watch part of a favourite movie
• Write a comfort food shopping list
• Sit in a favourite corner with a hot chocolate
Mindful5 Minute Ideas
• Read a book for 5 minutes, reading slowly to take in the words.
• Work on a puzzle that requires focus. Maybe a crossword, sudoku for example.
• Sit quietly focusing on your breathing and the sensations in your body.
• Paint your nails (try doing that without paying attention!)
• Sit quietly and listen to white noise while breathing deeply
• Walk around outside
• Stretch slowly, focusing on the feeling of the stretch
• Hug a tree
• Repeat a personal mantra
Easy5 Minute Ideas
• Just sit quietly and be present in your body
• Make yourself a drink of water, herbal tea, anything calming
• Work on a jigsaw
• Take a quick walk
• Cuddle your pet
• Massage your feet
• Listen to the sound of running water
Still Stressed?
If you answer that question with a yes that is not surprising. One 5 minute activity is not going to remove your stress. But many throughout the day, over a period of time can help.
It is also important to take more time out regularly to practice longer self care.
It is also a good idea to start your day with some sort of mindful self care activity to clear your mind and calm your body. This is also a good time to set your intentions for the day. As for yesterday’s stress. Don’t take that on board, but you may consider what needs to be added to your to do list from yesterday’s stress. Take on the activity, not the stress.
It is also important to end your day with a mindful self care activity. This focus is on putting aside the day and allowing yourself to calm your mind before going to sleep. You will sleep better and wake up more refreshed.
Can I Help?
I have studied Mindfulness as part of my Master of Counselling and teach mindfulness as well as practicing it myself.
I have also studied the impacts of stress and stress relieving activities.
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with managing your stress or would like to learn mindfulness, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
Research over many decades has shown that trauma in childhood has impacts that extend throughout childhood into adulthood. These impacts include poor mental health, substance abuse and addiction, as well as physical health impacts.
The Impact Of Trauma On Addiction
Extensive research has proven that people who experience trauma during childhood are more likely to be addicted to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs later in life.
What is trauma? Trauma as referred to in this blog is psychological harm to a person caused by experiences that are a significant threat to the individual or others close to them. Trauma can be emotional, physical, sexual abuse, an addicted parent, natural disasters and serious accidents.
What Is Addiction? What Does Trauma Have To Do With It?
Addiction can take many forms and cover a range of behaviours. For example, people who regularly consume alcohol may not be considered alcoholic, but their dependence on alcohol to feel more relaxed, less socially awkward or cope with stress reveals reliance on alcohol that fits the definition of addiction.
With the recent increase in vaping, including a dramatic increase in teens who vape, there has been a recognition of vaping as another concerning form of addiction.
Research looking at teens who vape has shown that the majority were exposed to trauma below the age of 12.
This is consistent with research looking at teens who drink alcohol, smoke tobacco or use other drugs.
The Dangers Of Physically Addictive Substances
Many substances people take are not physically addictive. This means that once the psychological need for the substance is attended to, the person can manage without the substance.
Other substances are physically addictive. This means that trying to stop using the substance will result in more difficult physical cravings as well as psychological ones. Nicotine is one of the most physically addictive substances people take.
Cigarettes and Vapes contain nicotine. Although vapes are by law banned from containing nicotine, around 99% of vapes confiscated in Australia have been found to contain nicotine.
It Can Take Many Attempts To Overcome Your Addiction To Nicotine
Nicotine is an extremely addictive substance that is physically addictive as well as psychologically addictive. It takes less nicotine for a teenager to be addicted than for an adult. Also their brains respond with stronger cravings when seeking to stop.
Anyone addicted to nicotine will struggle to quit. The strong physical cravings and the trauma that led to the addiction in the first place are strong barriers to quitting.
It can take many attempts to stop before the addict is able to stop.
The Importance Of Counselling In Overcoming Addiction
As an addict you will be better able to stop if you receive counselling support and nicotine replacement therapy.
The importance of counselling support is learning how to cope with feelings that have been self medicated, often for years, with alcohol, cigarettes and other substances.
Why Families And Social Environments Are Not Suitable Supports
Trauma most often occurs in the family and social environments. Many people start using substances as teenagers, modelling their behaviour on the coping behaviours of the adults in their lives.
Instead of learning healthy ways of dealing with the stress of the trauma, unhealthy ways are learned and passed down through the generations.
Self-Medicating and Brain Development
Using these addictive substances is known as self-medicating. You have a drink and feel calmer, you smoke or vape and feel you can manage things better and so on.
All of these addictive substances physically damage the body, as well as causing harm to the brain.
Neuroscientists studying the impacts of this self-medicating report that it causes damage to the developing brain of teenagers and results in the brain not developing properly. This is more damaging than damage to existing brain structures as occurs in adulthood because it prevents part of the brain developing.
So it is important to stop
Why The Ideal Supports Are Not Ideal
Ideally, stopping using an addictive substance would involve support from family and friends. For many people this support will not happen because this is the source of their trauma and learned unhealthy coping behaviours.
For this reason, counselling support is essential so that you can process and heal from the trauma and learn healthy coping strategies to replace the addictive substance.
There is also a possibility that if you stop your addiction to a substance without treating the underlying trauma that has caused it, you may switch to another substance of addiction.
Trauma, Stress and Addiction
It is also known that trauma has an impact on the development of the brain. Trauma can result in brain changes that lead to greater impulsivity and risk taking behaviour. This doesn’t apply to everyone who has encountered trauma, but is frequently seen.
Far more common is the impact trauma has on the brain’s ability to manage stress. Someone with a trauma history is more likely to be more reactive to stress and less able to cope with it.
If you add the damage to the brain by addiction to the damage caused by trauma then it is really problematic for you.
It is possible to learn how to manage stress, but for this you need a qualified counsellor.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your problem drinking or smoking/vaping, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
Trauma is something that seriously impacts you to the point that when in the traumatic situation you were worried about your safety, that of others or those around you. You may even experience potential loss of life or potential severe injury. These events permanently alter your perception of safety.
Trauma can be any disturbing experience. The trauma aspect is that you experience significant fear, feelings of helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings that are intense enough to continue over a period of time to have a negative impact on your attitudes, behaviour and other aspects of normal functioning.
When you feel you are in, or about to go into a, threatening situation you develop intense feelings of fear and anger. Other indicators that you are experiencing a perceived threat include shifts in attention, shifts in perception and changes in emotion. These feelings are caused by your brain going into a “fight or flight response.”
How Trauma Shows Up For You
Trauma can manifest itself in various ways. Some people can experience depression and intense sadness. Others may feel helpless and powerless.
One of the most common impacts of trauma is hypervigilance. This is where you constantly scan your surroundings, communications with other people, even interactions out of the home for potential threats to your safety.
Hypervigilance is part of your fight or flight response. This constant scanning for danger.
When you are in a hypervigilant state you will be anxious and may experience sweating and elevated heart rate.
Intense Sadness
It is very common to experience intense sadness and disconnection after a traumatic event.
The event has challenged your sense of safety and often you feared harm or even death as the outcome.
Not surprisingly it can feel very unreal and disconnected after such an event. You have lost a sense of safety in your life and this is a loss that you need to adjust you.
Any loss is something to grieve. As I relate in my blogs on grief. That carries a lot of adjustments and takes time to incorporate the event into your future life.
Allow yourself time to experience that sadness. Allow all the feelings associated with that to be experienced.
If you are having trouble coping with those feelings, an appointment with a trauma trained counsellor is a good idea.
Hypervigilance.
When you have experienced a traumatic event you are going to be primed to watch out for a similar event. That is totally normal. It is how your brain works to protect you.
Having lost a sense of safety and trust in the safeness of your world, your brain is going to be working hard to ensure your safety.
This means constantly being on the lookout for danger.
You may well find yourself preoccupied with searching for safety when you need to attend to something or someone else.
A great example is my daughter’s dog. She is quite nervy. When she sees a threat (usually a larger dog) she freezes. She won’t even accept treats until the danger is passed. She loves treats so that shows how strong the fight flight response is. All focus is on safety and being ready to run or fight. There is no space in that response for eating or normal conversation.
Someone who is constantly hypervigilant finds it very hard focusing on their work and getting things done.
Helplessness
Many people feel they have no control over what happens to them.
When trauma is experienced in childhood that child is very disempowered and develops learned helplessness. Many people never grow out of that learned helplessness as they grow into adulthood.
One of the biggest tasks in treating trauma is to empower you to be able to develop a sense of being able to solve issues in life.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma healing, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
When you are in a difficult situation it can be hard to see a way out of it.
Often the way out of the situation is to change the perspective on that situation.
This is what I describe as moving around the circle of the problem.
Moving Around the Circle of the Problem
If you imagine the problem as an object in front of you.
Imagine there is a circle around the problem and you are standing on a spot on that circle.
The spot you are standing on is one of great difficulty with no seeming way out of the problem.
But what is you took a step to the left or right around the circle? What would the problem look like then?
Using the Circle of the Problem
This is something I have used for most of my adult life. It is something that is possible to learn and apply with determination and intention.
The next time you find yourself with a problem to solve try this.
Imagine yourself standing on a circle looking at the problem.
Then imagine you are taking a step to the left or right. As you take that imaginary step, do so with the intention of seeking the problem from a different angle.
It is amazing how solvable a problem looks when you just take a step to one side or another of a problem.
Take Time to Consider the Problem
Sometimes you need time to sit with a problem before you are able to see it from another perspective.
There are many ways to give yourself time.
Sometimes sleeping on the problem can be a good way to prepare to take that step. Things are always easier to attend to when you are well rested.
You can also put the problem aside and do something else. Maybe you decide to have a walk, go out with friends, meditate.
Find a Trusted Confidant to Share the Problem With
Another way of preparing to take that step is to discuss the problem with someone else who is prepared to listen and be your sounding board. The ideal person will listen and ask questions to allow you to explore your feelings around the problem and to test the various solutions you may consider or different perspectives you may have. You need someone who can be neutral and not push their solution on you.
This is where a counsellor can be very helpful. We are trained to listen and help you explore all options and your feelings around them.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your problem, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
When I talk to people about all things having an energy, even inanimate objects, they often look at me as though I am weird. But do you know that Albert Einstein theorised this very thing? Quantum science has now proven Einstein’s theory by using sensitive instruments to measure the energy objects give off.
Nikola Tesla, who pioneered modern electrical systems spoke of the understanding of the Universe being unlocked by measuring energy, frequency and vibrations.
Energy Vibrations
Vibrations are best defined as being states of being. As the energy given off by something or someone. Vibrations exist because the atoms that are the building blocks of all things vibrate. Different types of atoms vibrate at different speeds. Even things like wood, rocks, the ground vibrate.
This is where the trendy term “vibes” comes from. The theory of all things vibrating at different frequencies.
Often that term is misused by people who don’t understand the true meaning of vibrations or the science behind them.
We Can All Sense Energy Vibrations
It is possible for animals and people to sense vibrations. We don’t consciously do it. Vibrations are part of non verbal communication. We can detect such communication without being aware we are doing it. Of course you can consciously choose to become aware of these sensations, but in reality you pick them up anyway.
You give off vibrations all the time. You can’t not do it.
I realised this many years ago when people always seemed to pick up on the days when I had a low mood, even though I deliberately suppressed it and didn’t tell others how I was feeling.
Energy Attracts Or Repels
In life those vibrations are what often attract or repel us to/from other people. It is why you may avoid a particular person when you are feeling down because you have sensed subconsciously that their negative energy will drag you down.
If you are feeling lacking in energy, or depressed, you are likely to give off lower frequency vibrations than at times when you are feeling upbeat, happy, full of energy. If you are angry the vibrations you give off will be different again.
Energy is A Vital Part of Intuition
If you pay attention to these deep seated messages, the ones that get bundled into the term “intuition”, you will become aware of the way some people attract you and others repel you.
Interestingly researchers have devised a scale for the energy levels of different emotions. The scale ranges from zero to 1,000. This is how various feelings have been ranked:
• 20 – shame
• 100 – fear
• 200 – courage, being willing to take responsibility for your own actions and feeling and also the first level of empowerment. Interesting to know that empowerment has an energy ranking!
• 500 – love
• 700 – enlightenment
Reiki, a form of energy healing, has been found to have the capacity to raise a person’s personal vibration. This also impacts on the Reiki practitioner which explains why not only my client but I also experience higher energy after I perform a Reiki healing on my client.
All Energy Levels Are Important To Experience
As with all things in life, it is important to experience the highs and the lows. Those lower energy experiences are not pleasant, but they are the place where we are able to learn, change and grow.
As part of mindfulness practice, I teach clients to pay attention to their energy levels. What am I feeling now? What is my energy? It is possible to develop awareness of your energy levels and even work at ways to improve your energy.
Once your energy starts to lift is keeps lifting. High energy attracts more energy, whereas low energy repels energy.
11 Ways To Raise Your Energy
There are 11 ways you can bring yourself out of a low energy state and into higher vibration energy.
1.Gratitude.
Making a conscious decision to see the things to be thankful for increases your energy vibrations. Remembering that at the energy vibration of 200 you are empowered, raising that energy level will lead to you feeling more powerful. Understanding that you have that control, that life is full of things to be thankful for, increases your wisdom as well.
2.Moving Your Body
Moving your body can also raise your energy vibrations. Conversely, sitting too long will drop them.
Have you ever noticed how you resist moving when you are feeling resentful and wanting to hold on to that feeling? Once you start moving through rhythmic movement it is hard to maintain that level of energy.
Dancing, especially to music is one of the most effective ways to move your body and raise those energy vibrations. You can dance at an exercise class or dance at home on your own. Research suggests that 10 minutes of moving to your favourite music will start shifting your energy vibrations upwards.
3.Eat Nutrient Dense Foods
Food has its own energy vibration. The more nutrient dense the food is, the better the energy vibration.
Have you ever noticed how weighed down you feel after indulging in a lot of junk food? Even alcohol can reduce your energy levels.
On the flip side, you may have noticed that when you eat well you feel so much lighter.
Food has a major impact on your energy vibrations.
4.Meditation
As I have already mentioned, Mindfulness meditation trains you to be aware of your body. You can better understand your own energy vibrations and be better able to address those issues that lower your energy.
5.Touch
There has been a lot of research over the past decade or so on the benefits of touch.
The finding that premature babies do better when they are touched has led to skin to skin contact with their parents becoming common practice. This has led to better outcomes and higher survival rates among these babies.
Research has also found the negative impact of the lack of touch for the elderly living in nursing homes or isolated at home.
Simply touching someone on the arm when they are distressed is comforting. If you have ever had someone do that to you then you will probably be aware of that comforting sensation. It is soothing, sends the message you are not alone and that someone cares. In fact researchers have found that touch can be a very effective pain relief.
Massage is a form of touch that is particularly powerful. It has been shown to rebalance hormones and reduce cortisol (stress hormone) levels.
Touch releases a powerful hormone often referred to as the love hormone. This hormone is oxytocin. It assists people to feel that sense of connection and safety. It also increases energy vibrations. Higher energy of course means you will feel better and happier.
6.Giving and Receiving
Withholding love, time or even making negative comments about others lowers your energy frequency. Conversely, being generous with your praise, love and time raises your energy. Making the effort to give to others generously increases what you receive as well. So everyone benefits.
7.Be with Positive People
When you spend time with friends who have a high energy it raises your energy as well. This is why it is sometimes better when you are feeling low to make the decision to go out and set the intention to enjoy yourself. That raises your energy so it doesn’t bring your friends down and their high energy raises yours. If the friends you are with understand your difficulties and want to support you then you can raise your energy higher.
8.Make the Decision to Open Your Heart.
Is there someone in your life, either now or in the past, who you loved so much that even thinking about them made you feel happy and lighter?
Did thinking about them make you feel better and that your mood lifted?
Love is one of the highest energy vibration states you can experience. When you love someone your energy is always raised and you feel on top of the world.
Loving yourself is also important. When you spend time caring for you and doing nice things for you that lifts your mood as well.
A great example of that is when you get a new outfit that you feel looks great on you. Or you get a new hairstyle and you are very happy with that. You walk out feeling on top of the world. This is self love.
9.Breathing
When life is stressful you tend to take shallow, quick breaths. This sends a message to your brain that you are in danger and increases cortisol levels in your body. The more you shallow breathe the higher the cortisol levels rise.
It is important to breathe slowly and deeply when you start to feel stressed. There are various ways you can deepen your breathing and slow it down.
• One is to breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4 and wait for 4 before taking the next breath.
• Another is to breathe in, paying attention to your tummy and chest as they rise. You may like to place a hand over your chest and another over your tummy and focus on feeling them rise as you slowly breathe in. If you are breathing properly you will feel them both rise. When you finish the in breath hold your breath for a few seconds. Then breathe out slowly through pursed lips. After a few breaths you can imagine you are breathing in peace as you breathe in and breathing out tension as you breathe out. It is a good idea to do this exercise until you feel calmer. A minimum of 10 breaths works best.
10.A Nice Warm Bath
If you like baths then you can try the old favourite of a lovely bath. Lock the door, dim the lights, light some candles and add some lovely bath oils to the water. You could even play some relaxing music.
Make sure the water is quite warm but not so hot it makes you sweat.
Water is a great energy lifter and many people find this practice relaxing and energising.
11.Be In Nature
Extensive research has shown the benefits of being in nature. Blood pressure lowers, cortisol levels lower and people feel more relaxed. Your energy levels also rise.
Even looking at pictures of nature is relaxing and energising, although no substitute for the real thing.
If you are not close to bushland then going to a park or the beach is effective.
Place your feet flat on the ground and pay attention to the feeling in the soles of your feet as you connect to the ground. Feel the energy of the earth as it enters your feet, then moves up your body. Don’t worry if you can’t feel it immediately, it can take time to learn to connect to energy.
Another thing you can do is hug or touch a tree. It is not a joke, you really can feel the energy of the tree by touching it.
Sitting listening to the sounds of the trees in the breeze, to birds, insects is calming. If you go to the beach you can stand bare foot at the ends of the water and allow the waves to gently touch your feet. Listen to the sound of the waves, the wind, and the birds.
All these things are really relaxing and energising.
If you have a garden, spending time out in the garden with your plants and the grass can also be energising.
I Practice What I Preach
I am often asked what I do to manage with the big stories and low energy of so many beautiful souls who come to see me.
Firstly I reply that it is a privilege to work with such strong survivors, battered as they are, they are determined to heal.
Second I reply that I have my own practices that keep my energy high so that I can share that energy with those who come to see me.
I do follow the 11 ways in my own life, here are some of the things I do:
• Gratitude. I have a daily practise of writing down 10 things I am grateful for at the end of each day. I also make not during the day of anything I think is wonderful and express gratitude for it. Examples of this are: a beautiful sunrise, watching the birds in my garden, seeing a dog smiling up at its owner as it is being walked, someone letting me out of the end of my street in heavy traffic, a child running around with delight and so many more. I make my entire day an opportunity to express gratitude. I also set the intention that I am not going to get annoyed by the things other people do. To counter annoyance I look for something good to say about that person. That quickly defuses any annoyance I may be feeling.
• Moving my body. I dance to music, walk through the bush, and never miss an opportunity to express my delight through movement.
• Eating nutrient dense food: I delight to eat as many wholefoods as I can, while avoiding foods high in sugar. I eat a lot of vegetables, which I love. I have learned to take the time to notice what I am eating and enjoy it, and by doing that needing less food. I love how good my body feels when I eat nutrient dense foods.
• Mindfulness and other meditation. I get up early every morning and start the day with meditation. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation, sometimes I listen to music and focus on the music. Other times I focus on my breath. After I am finished I stretch my body then meditatively paint. As a Reiki practitioner I meditate on the 5 Reiki Principles to release my investment in staying hurt and angry, to release worry and be mindful of the present moment, to be grateful and appreciate all the wonders and blessings of life, to do my work diligently, even seemingly small insignificant tasks and to show compassion for all living things. This is a wonderful way to reset and to set the tone of the rest of the day.
• Touch. I love giving and receiving hugs. I hug my family, my dogs, my friends. I grew up in a family that never touched. Learning how to hug opened up my world in such a powerful way. I also schedule regular massages to help settle my nervous system.
• Giving and Receiving. I give compassion and acceptance to as many people as I can. When I encounter other people I choose to consider their needs and what is happening in their lives rather than find fault or take offense with what they do. When I am hurt by the things of life, or feeling overwhelmed I have a beautiful tribe of women I can turn to for support. I have learned to be very proactive in seeking help.
• Be with positive people. I have found in my life that being with the people I know who lift my energy is important. It helps that those people are such beautiful, caring people. I have also learned to not take on the negative energy of others. I also have made the decision to not have contact with people who are overwhelmingly negative and sap my energy. This is about honouring my needs and my self care.
• I choose to open my heart and risk having friendships with other people. I know that if I am burned in that relationship I will hurt and need time to feel that hurt and heal from it. But I am strong enough to survive. I will continue to risk hurt by opening myself to friendships.
• Breathing. As part of my meditative practice I focus on my breathing and on breathing deeply and slowly. Because I practice this it is easy for me to practice slowing and deepening my breathing when I am in a stressful situation.
• I do on occasion have a nice warm bath. It is a lovely way to destress.
• Be in nature. As often as I can I go out into nature. I hug trees, sit at their base, sit beside water as it runs past in creeks and cascades. I gaze at the sky, noting the clouds and the colours of the sky. I look for the moon and the different constellations of stars in the night sky. I listen for the sounds of the birds in the day and the flying foxes and owls at night. I love to walk amongst the trees and look up at their magnificence and delight in the wonder of them. Even if I can’t get out into the bush there are places near where I live where trees tower over the footpath and I can gaze up at them. It is not hard to incorporate the 11 ways to raise your energy into your life. Why not try it yourself?
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with learning to raise your energy, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
So many people struggle with thoughts that go around and around in their heads. Not nice thoughts, but ones that bother you and destroy your enjoyment of activities during waking hours. Thoughts the keep you aware at 1am, 2am, 3am and so on.
If you are going to be thinking in circles about something then why not turn your thoughts to seeing if you can resolve the issue that is bothering.
Here are the questions to ask:
Am I Aware How Long I Have Been Having This Thought?
Have you actually been thinking about this thing for a long time, or does it just feel like it. Maybe it is a thought that keeps repeating and it just seems to be going round in your head.
The next question to ask yourself is”
2. Is now a good time to be thinking about this?
If the thought is bothering you the answer is probably no.
Then you need to ask yourself the next question:
3. Is There Something I Am Avoiding?
So often something that is bothering you spins around in your mind but you don’t explore it. This is often because the thought is so overwhelming that you don’t feel you can manage what comes next.
The reality is, exploring this thought further can help you resolve it.
When those distressing thoughts revolve in your mind they are often indicators of something deeper that needs processing. This is why you ask the question.
When you ask the question be prepared to sit with the question and wait for the answer to arise.
When the answer comes to you, allow yourself to explore it further:
• Where in your body is the thought?
• How long has it been there in your body?
• What is the thought about? There is often something that you have not processed that is bugging you until you process it.
• Is now a good time to work through this thought? You might be at work, or it may be the middle of the night and you feel you can’t attend to it. If that is so then set a time to attend to it. Visualise yourself putting the thought on that time and tell yourself that is when it will be dealt with.
When Exploring A Question Doesn’t Bring Relief Try Something Else
Sometimes recurring thoughts are too difficult to resolve, and you may need help. It is unlikely you will get help immediately. In the interim you may need to put that thought aside until you can attend to it.
If this recurring thought is during the day then change what you are doing and do something that will occupy your mind.
Maybe you want to do something that requires your full attention.
Maybe you want to talk to someone.
A change of scenery can dislodge that thought. Try changing where you are working. If you can, go for a walk.
Observation using your senses can also be useful.
• Look around you.
• Name 5 things you can see.
• Now name 5 things you touch. Name what they feel like to touch.
• Now name 5 things you can smell. Name them.
• Name 5 things you can hear and describe what you are hearing.
If it is the early hours of the morning, rather than tossing and turning, unable to get back to sleep and those thoughts just going on and on then get up and do something else for a little while.
Maybe you have a good book to read. Maybe you can listen to music. Just choose something that will not wake you up too much and so that thing until you feel able to go back to sleep.
Most people find it takes half an hour or so before they have cleared their mind enough to go back to sleep. If you can’t, allow yourself to accept that and find something enjoyable and restful to do. Yes you may be tired the next morning, but you will be less stressed. Maybe you will sleep better the next night.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your incessant thoughts or attending to the underlying issues, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
A big problem for many people I see is unprocessed emotional pain. A large volume of unprocessed emotional pain.
It is not surprising given the belief in our society that you should just push those “bad” feelings down and ignore them.
If you didn’t grow up in a family that supported you experiencing that pain and learning how to process it, then you will be unlikely to know how to process it.
Emotional Pain Is Not Bad
Some mental health approaches pathologise the experiencing of emotional pain. As a result they teach the suppression of emotional pain.
This belief and teaching fails to understand the roots of some pain. Unprocessed emotional pain that has been with you for a long time will continue to be with you until it is processed.
You will not be able to process emotional pain until you have developed the courage, strength and skills to stay with those overwhelming emotions until they are fully processed.
Emotional Pain As The Monster Under The Bed
A lot of people tell me they fear those emotions. I can understand that. A lot of these unprocessed emotions relate to childhood.
A child needs to be taught how to process emotions. If they aren’t taught then those frightening emotions are impossible to process. The child learns to fear those emotions because they seem insurmountable.
If you add to that difficulty a family that actively encourages the suppression of emotions, even punishes family members for feeling emotions, then that fear becomes terrifying and deep seated.
The Pain Body
In his book “A New Earth” Eckhart Tolle describes the ‘pain body’. This is the “energy of old but still very-much-alive emotion that lives in almost every human being.”
The pain of old traumas is often described as energy because of the way this pain crops up again and again. The pain is actually stress or trauma that has never been processed so remains in the body. When that stress or trauma was initially experienced the nervous system became dysregulated and the emotions felt at the time became trapped in the body. Things can trigger the memories around this stress or trauma and you are again feeling the old pain.
Not Feeling Into The Body
Unprocessed pain can cause you to fear emotions and their associated feelings. To avoid experiencing what is feared you stop feeling into your body at all. The body becomes a scary place where emotional monsters lurk.
If you can’t feel into your body, you can’t release the pain and you can’t feel safe and relaxed. In order to relax you need to be able to feel your inner body. That means you have to be prepared to feel the feelings there.
Actions Are Trapped In Your Body
Many somatic therapists talk about the actions trapped in our bodies.
Peter A Levine, the developer of Somatic Experiencing and author of many books including ‘Waking the Tiger’, speaks of the experience of animals chased by predators and escaping. After the animal has escaped the predator it shakes its body to release the energy still in the body that allowed it to escape. He likens it to our need to release that excess energy after a fight/flight event. This allows the energy to be released from our bodies.
Eckhart Tolle also talks about releasing energy from stress. He tells the story of two ducks getting into a fight. After they are finished they move away from each other and flap their wings several times. Then they continue on as though nothing has happened. The ducks are also releasing the excess energy.
The Problem Of Holding On To Experiences Instead Of Releasing Them
We humans tend to hold on to these experiences. Instead of the release actions of the animal that has escaped a predator or the duck that has just finished a fight, we hold on to the fight or the escape.
Humans create narratives of events and the escape and fight get woven into our narratives. If the opportunity to process the events and release them does not happen, the events are kept alive and ongoing by continuing to tell the story, even to ourselves.
Remembering Events But Releasing The Energy
We need to remember events. This is how our brain keeps us safe by remembering dangerous situations and alerting us to similarities in situations. The problem arises when we continue to think of the events as ongoing, instead of past events.
The way forward is to learn how to regulate emotions.
Learn not to fear experiencing the emotions. That you can do this and actually those monster emotions are not massive, overwhelming giants, but mild little critters that are quite manageable.
Once you learn how to regulate and that those emotions are not as scary as you thought they were, you can then learn to be kind to your body. You can learn to be present and have confidence in your strength and ability to process painful feelings and emotions.
You can also learn that difficult emotions can be temporarily destabilising. That they may need attention to work through them. But they can be worked through and you can emerge stronger in the knowledge that you have the skills to process your emotions.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you learn not to fear your emotions and to process them, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
