Bullying – PLC Blog

Chronic Stress and Trauma in Childhood Impacts You In Adulthood

Research has proven that trauma experienced in childhood impacts on a person’s psychological and emotional well being throughout life. In other words, it impacts their mental health throughout life.

The things that children experience influence the development of the brain and therefore have an influence on behavioural and psychological development.

Chronic Stress is Trauma

Chronic or severe stress, often described as trauma, has a long term effect on the child’s development.

Children exposed to that stress often have low self-esteem, are vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and are more likely to abuse substances and become addicted to them. These substances include cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. The addictions are coping mechanisms that make the addict feel better for a while. Unfortunately over time those substances need to be taken in increasing quantities to impact and the “solution” they offer is only temporary.

Difficulties In Adolescence and Adulthood Caused By Chronic Stress

Self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide are common responses to childhood trauma and the difficulty of coping with the stressors in adult life. There are also psychiatric conditions that have been demonstrated to have childhood trauma as their origin.

Trauma and Chronic Stress Requires Skilled Therapy To Heal

Healing from trauma is not something a pill can fix. It requires skilled therapy.

The best approach is to intervene in childhood to heal the harm caused by childhood trauma. This includes the impacts of bullying on children.

Bullying And The Difficulty For Adults In Handling Bullies

Sadly, many adults do not know how to handle bullies. Many adults adopt the strategies they employed in childhood to manage bullying of children. They try to pretend it isn’t happening and are too frightened to get involved. This results in children not being supported when they need support.

As a result, early and easy to stop bullying behaviours are allowed to fester and grow and increase the damage caused to the victims. Bullies do not stop these behaviours because they grow up. Many childhood bullies, having learned this behaviour meets their need, continue to use bullying behaviours in adult life.

Education Is A Major Stressor

Other stressors in childhood include education. Many children find the constant pressure to perform at school and complete homework tasks is overwhelming. This stress increases throughout childhood and impacts the child’s developing brain and coping skills in adult life.

Self Organisation Impacts

For children who experience chronic stress there are also difficulties in self organisation. This impacts on the children as they proceed into high school and increases stress and its impacts.

Difficulty In Peer Relationships

Children exposed to chronic stress often find it hard to have relationships with their peers. This is particularly so when bullying at school occurs.

The Importance of Early Intervention

It is recognised that children need their difficulties identified as soon as possible and trauma focused therapies used to help them. Therapy in childhood and adolescence is more effective than in adulthood. That said, adults can still be helped if they get the correct trauma therapy.

If you or young people in your life need support then a trauma trained counsellor is the best place to go for psychological and emotional help.
Sub heading Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you or your child with the impacts of Childhood trauma and chronic stress, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz

Why Experiencing Trauma In Childhood Doesn’t Mean You Are Doomed To Be Mentally Ill

Trauma in childhood can be very disruptive and cause many difficulties for you in adult life.

But

Experiencing childhood trauma does not necessarily result in mental illness in later childhood and adulthood.

What is trauma know to be associated with?

The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study in New Zealand tracked a cohort of children born in 1972 to 1973.

One of this study’s findings was that a form of a gene associated with serotonin transport in the brain appeared to increase an individual’s likelihood of experiencing depression when exposed to trauma.

This has supported the theory that our DNA, that way that DNA is expressed in the body, and our environment can impact on our mental health.

This would also help explain why some people exposed to trauma develop serious mental health problems whereas others manage well in life.

What Is Known?

Research has drawn strong links between trauma and addiction. This is in the way you manage difficulties in life.

Some people are able to “roll with the punches” and can regulate relatively quickly after a distressing event.

Others find it harder and may draw on outside actions, such as drinking alcohol or smoking, to regulate their emotions.

Many people report partaking of the addiction helps them to feel calm, or forget the terrifying experience, or feel less anxious and panicky.

Difficulties With Connecting To Others

What is also known is that experiences in your childhood impact on how you see the world and how you relate to other people.

If your early experiences were supporting and nurturing, you are more likely to see the world as a friendly and helpful place. You will also likely see others as trustworthy and safe to connect with.

But if your early experiences with others were abusive, unhelpful, and/or frightening you are more likely to see the world as unfriendly and not safe. You will also be more wary of others and may be more likely to perceive their behaviour as threatening than those who see others as trustworthy.

The person with positive experiences in childhood is more likely to readily feel comfortable with others while those with negative experiences are more likely to be wary of trusting others.

Brain Changes

What is known is that the brain of those exposed to trauma in childhood develops differently to those not exposed to trauma.

For example, areas of the brain responsible for observing non verbal communication are more developed in traumatised individuals. This is thought to give the child the advantage of being able to detect danger and act on it faster than for those with normal brain development.

In other words these changes increase the child’s chances of survival.

Other areas of the brain have been found to be smaller than for those not exposed to trauma. Some of those areas relate to the perception of “novelty”. In other words the ability to manage unexpected situations and strangers.

When To Seek Help

If you experienced trauma in childhood and are managing life well, then at this point in time you are unlikely to need help.

If you find that there are difficulties around things upsetting you, or difficulty calming down after a difficult event. If you find you feel overwhelmed often, your social life is difficult, others report behaviours they think are a problem, or you think there is a problem (even if you can’t quite put your finger on it).

If you find yourself putting up with bad behaviour from others, or you are a people pleaser, or you have trouble setting boundaries or saying no.

Then it is best to consult a counsellor.

There are occasions in life when everyone can get help from a counsellor, even if just for one or two sessions.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your difficulties in life, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

The Sinister Adult Behaviour of Friendship Bullying.

Today I am writing about behaviour that is commonly assumed to only exist in childhood but continues to exist into adulthood.

I am referring to what is termed Friendship Bullying.

What Is Friendship Bullying?

It is defined as:

• Not allowing someone to join a group

• Leaving someone out of a group

• Refusing to share friends

• Refusing to work with a workmate

• Refusing to sit next to someone

• Eye rolling

• Laughing at someone

• Sarcasm

It is often accompanied by the equally toxic Manipulating Behaviours

What are Manipulating Behaviours?

These are defined as:

• Giving someone the silent treatment

• Forcing a friend/fellow group member to pick sides

• Trying to stop people from being friends with the target person

• Relaying gossip/rumours about the target person to others.

• Informing the target of the gossip with the intention to hurt them.

What Does Friendship Bullying Look Like in Reality?

A classic example is a small community. Someone new moves into the community and the dominant person in the community doesn’t like them.

The dominant person then excludes that person from being part of the group within the community.

The dominant person and those who support them, spread lies as gossip about the excluded person.

The dominant person makes it clear, often without explicitly saying it, but implying it with their stories, that those in the group must not be friends with the excluded person. The consequence is that people are frightened to speak or in any way show friendliness towards the excluded person. They are frightened they will be excluded too if they don’t do as the dominant person wants.

Others within the group may hear the lies told as gossip and portrayed as “truth” and judge the excluded person as not worth knowing.

The excluded person is mocked, laughed at when things go wrong for them, denied the normal support of a community for each other.

The group don’t talk to the excluded person.

Members of the group may decide to tell the excluded person the lies about them to inflict further pain on them.

Horrifying Isn’t It? You Think It Doesn’t Happen In Your Community?

This type of behaviour is extremely toxic.

The group become the “in” group who set out to exclude this person as being a member of the “out” group. This deliberate isolation is cruel, unjust and extremely toxic. The excluded person is often someone who has done nothing wrong, just as the bullied child in the playground has done nothing wrong.
It is not acceptable to treat another person like that. We humans are social and excluding someone from the group is abusive and unsafe for the victim of this abuse.

Sadly, over the course of my life I have seen this happen time and again. Like most people I have occasionally been the victim of this behaviour.

That is the horror of it. Most people have been abused this way. Sadly most people have also been caught up in this toxicity and unwittingly perpetuated the abuse.

Do You Do This?

In reality, you probably do. So much of this behaviour is unwitting. Unless you pay careful attention to what you are doing it is easy to slip into the fitting in behaviour we all use to be part of a group.

One of the most obvious toxic groups is where racist attitudes consign a person to the “out” group.

The dominant person in a group is often so skilled at manipulation that you can be manipulated without realising it.

Not all groups are like this. I am a member of several friend groups of affirming, all inclusive, people. But I also see around me groups that are toxic and exclude others. I don’t belong to those groups. I learned a long time ago to spot them and avoid them.

You Are A Member Of A Toxic Group. What Do You Do?

Sometimes you may be aware you are a member of a toxic group and remain in the group. Maybe you remain because you like the people in the group and try to avoid the toxic behaviour.

Maybe you remain in the group because you are frightened of speaking out and being excluded by the group, becoming a member of an “out” group.

Maybe you feel these are your only friends and if you are cast out of the group you will be without friends.

Maybe you have learned to fear the consequences of speaking out, especially if you rely on the group for emotional support.

It is highly likely that things that happened to you in childhood make it hard for you to resist these toxic groups. Maybe you really would like to get out of such a group but past traumas are making it hard for you to take that step.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with finding the friends that feed your soul or what to do if you are being bullied, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au