Stress – PLC Blog

20 Examples of People Thinking They Had Normal Childhoods. Have You Suffered More Trauma Than You Realise In What You Thought Was A Normal Childhood?

An astonishing number of people don’t know they had traumatic childhoods. They just thought their childhoods were like everyone else’s.

When I was studying for my Counselling degree I took an elective on Family and Relationship Counselling. In some lectures we would have discussions about things we did with our families as children. I realised then how much other people did with their families and how little my family did. So much of what went on in my childhood involved my father’s meltdowns which involved emotional and physical abuse.

When I started seeing clients they would tell me about their issues and not understanding why they were the way they were. Eventually they would start talking about their childhoods and it was so obvious that their childhoods were not what is considered normal and just like me, they hadn’t realised their childhoods were not like other people’s.

I wonder if you had a “normal” childhood or had one that you didn’t realise was traumatising.

The following stories are ones I found on an online public forum. I have selected the ones that matched ones many of my client’s have told me.

Witnessing Someone Die

There is the story of the 16 year old on the way home from school. As they stood waiting to cross the road another teen ran out and was hit by a car. They ran to help and cradled the teen’s head in their lap. The teen opened their eyes and looked at this 16 year old. They observed their eyes change from a bright blue, to medium blue, to dull grey as they died.

The paramedics came and took the teen away. No one checked on the 16 year old. They went home and told their family. It was never talked about again.

Years later they saw something on the television that brought back the memory of that incident and they cried uncontrollably for some time.

They hadn’t realised what had happened to them was so unusual.

They had to seek counselling to processing the trauma.

My Grandmother

The 16 year old’s story reminded me of when I was 12 and my grandmother had a cardiac arrest. I tried to resuscitate her but she died. No one ever talked about it.

I felt so guilty, believing I had stuffed up and she would have been alive if I had resuscitated her properly.

I wasn’t until over 20 years later when I tried to resuscitate a patient who choked to death and observed her colour go from healthy pink through deep red, purple, blue and finally wax white that memories of resuscitating my grandmother came back. It really shook me and I struggled to process those memories. After many years I saw a counsellor and was able to process them.

Sexual Abuse

Another person told the story of how their grandparents would kiss them and their siblings on their genitals to “show how much they loved them. Their parents treated it as normal. They even did this to their younger cousins because they believed it was a demonstration of love.

When they grew older they realised this was not normal and were horrified.

Education like the Bravehearts program is really important to teach children what is not okay. Without that information this person had no idea.

The Young Soldier

Another person signed up to the military. When they went off to basic training they were astonished that others cried and missed their family. This young recruit thoughts had turned to how nice it was to have no one hit them and to not be so overburdened with work they were expected to do. They had no idea it wasn’t normal to be hit and worked hard.

Being Shown Affection and Provided with Food

A woman was surprised when her husband’s mother made food for him and gave him hugs. She had no idea people did that. It certainly never happened in her family.

Abusive Behaviour

One person reported their father taught them to swim by pushing them in the deep end of a pool and walking away. Fortunately their cousin saw what happened and rescued them.

The Take Off Your Clothes Teacher.

There are three I have selected for this.

One was from a woman who as a young child (5-10) had swimming lessons at a local pool. The children arrived after school in their uniforms and were taken into a room to change. They had to stand in a circle and completely undress before putting on their swimmers. A male staff member would always watch them. He wasn’t one of the teachers. He was only there when they were changing.

The woman realised later how odd that was.

Girls of 14-15 in class with one teacher had to take off their tops to prove they didn’t have “spaghetti tops” on underneath.

When I was in Primary School – 10-12 – there was a male teacher who would make the girls take off their sports tops and run around in their sport bloomers (we had to wear them under our tops) in sport. He claimed it helped them to run more freely. He was never my teacher but I remember watching once while girls a few years younger then me were in the playing field on the main road and forced to take their tops off. It was so humiliating for those who didn’t have a singlet on underneath, but even those were humiliated by having to show their singlets (this was the early 1970s when you didn’t do that sort of thing). I often wonder what sort of excitement that gave him.

Neglect

One person reported learning about their mother leaving them in their cot to go out and have a good time. She would leave the person alone and they remember crying and waiting for her to come home. She claimed she was always terrified they would be caught in a fire or die while she was out. But it didn’t stop her going out.

The Uncaring Parent

Another person talked about their mother never offering support or nurturance when they hurt themselves, sometimes very badly. They didn’t realise until they were seeing a counsellor that the mother’s behaviour was abnormal.

The Abusive Relative

There were many reports of uncles who would play strange tickle games and the adults would just ignore it and allow it to happen.

Another was of a young girl whose grandfather would sit close to her and touch her in the presence of the rest of the family. When she complained she was told to just go sit somewhere else.

Others reported neighbours who would bribe them to allow him to touch them sexually.

The Addict Parent

Many reported having to deal with parents who were high or severely drunk.

One reported having to drive their father home at the age of 8 because the father was too drunk to drive.

Another reported how their drunk father would become violent and would chase them around with knives and other objects to hit or throw at them. On one occasion the father went on such a long and noisy rampage that the police were called and had to taser the father to stop him.

Another reported their grandmother trying to inject them with heroin when they were a small child.

Not Being Given Food

One person talked about how their parents split up and the mother was so caught up in trying to cope and work that she never supplied food for her children. This person had to learn to cook food for their younger siblings and themselves. The mother didn’t even notice she had stopped cooking for her children.

More Sexual Abuse

One woman reported her mother making her shower with her mother’s boyfriends from the age of 8 into her teens. She didn’t realise until she was in her 20s that this was not normal.

Parental Kidnapping

Many told of being kidnapped by their father and the lengthy process their mother had to go through to get them back. Many were taught to think badly of their mother.

One person and their mother had to go into hiding to avoid the father trying to kidnap them again. That was their childhood. Moving constantly. No photos to be taken. No seeing family in case he followed them.

Violence

One person spoke about living in an isolated rural area and their family and another spoke of their family getting into a gun fight while they hid in fear. That was normal for them growing up.

Another spoke about their parents getting them to play a game of staying on the floor the longest. They didn’t realise until much later it was because gun fights had broken out in their neighbourhood.

Cleanliness.

One just commented that they thought only rich people had clean houses because their house was filthy.

Excessive Discipline

Then there was the person who was beaten up when they didn’t get A grades.

Mental Illness in the Family

Many reported the erratic and disturbing behaviour of mentally ill family members.

One lost track of the number of times they came home from school and had to call an ambulance because their mother had made yet another suicide attempt. Another reported not realising how unusual it was for the police to be constantly called to an out of control mentally ill family member. It wasn’t until they
visited friends houses and notice the calm there that they realised their family was so unusual.

Physical abuse

Another said they thought everyone was beaten up by their babysitters.

More Sexual Abuse

One woman said she didn’t know girls weren’t supposed to have internal exams done by their doctor “as a matter of course”. She was constantly examined by her doctor. She thought she had to grin and bear it because it was part of female health care. She was in her adult years before she discovered this was abuse and definitely not normal.

Lack of Affection

One person reported being given no affection as a child. There were no mementos or memorabilia of them kept either. It was only when friends started getting out childhood photos, baby books, memorabilia, hand and foot prints that they realised none of that had been kept for them.

Another woman related how she and her husband attended a reunion of his family. She loved hearing the stories family members told of their childhood and was surprised to realise that none of her childhood memories involved adults. Her memories were of caring for her siblings and being sent on long plane trips on her own without assistance from the age of 9. She also remembered cooking 1 minute noodles for herself and her siblings for meals. Her main memory of adults was of her father being away driving trucks all the time and her mother passing out from too much alcohol.

Waking Up To The Knowledge of Abuse

Each of these stories has a parallel in someone who has come to me to explore their pain. In most cases they had no idea their childhood was so unusual. That the cause of their pain was childhood trauma. For those who were aware, that awareness had come much later in life and drew them to seek help.

Despite what others may tell you, research has shown that it is not possible to heal from trauma without counselling assistance. You can do things that seem to help but involve burying the trauma. Your body will never let you just bury it. It will cry out in either emotional or physical pain to be healed.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your childhood trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz

Chronic Stress and Trauma in Childhood Impacts You In Adulthood

Research has proven that trauma experienced in childhood impacts on a person’s psychological and emotional well being throughout life. In other words, it impacts their mental health throughout life.

The things that children experience influence the development of the brain and therefore have an influence on behavioural and psychological development.

Chronic Stress is Trauma

Chronic or severe stress, often described as trauma, has a long term effect on the child’s development.

Children exposed to that stress often have low self-esteem, are vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and are more likely to abuse substances and become addicted to them. These substances include cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. The addictions are coping mechanisms that make the addict feel better for a while. Unfortunately over time those substances need to be taken in increasing quantities to impact and the “solution” they offer is only temporary.

Difficulties In Adolescence and Adulthood Caused By Chronic Stress

Self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide are common responses to childhood trauma and the difficulty of coping with the stressors in adult life. There are also psychiatric conditions that have been demonstrated to have childhood trauma as their origin.

Trauma and Chronic Stress Requires Skilled Therapy To Heal

Healing from trauma is not something a pill can fix. It requires skilled therapy.

The best approach is to intervene in childhood to heal the harm caused by childhood trauma. This includes the impacts of bullying on children.

Bullying And The Difficulty For Adults In Handling Bullies

Sadly, many adults do not know how to handle bullies. Many adults adopt the strategies they employed in childhood to manage bullying of children. They try to pretend it isn’t happening and are too frightened to get involved. This results in children not being supported when they need support.

As a result, early and easy to stop bullying behaviours are allowed to fester and grow and increase the damage caused to the victims. Bullies do not stop these behaviours because they grow up. Many childhood bullies, having learned this behaviour meets their need, continue to use bullying behaviours in adult life.

Education Is A Major Stressor

Other stressors in childhood include education. Many children find the constant pressure to perform at school and complete homework tasks is overwhelming. This stress increases throughout childhood and impacts the child’s developing brain and coping skills in adult life.

Self Organisation Impacts

For children who experience chronic stress there are also difficulties in self organisation. This impacts on the children as they proceed into high school and increases stress and its impacts.

Difficulty In Peer Relationships

Children exposed to chronic stress often find it hard to have relationships with their peers. This is particularly so when bullying at school occurs.

The Importance of Early Intervention

It is recognised that children need their difficulties identified as soon as possible and trauma focused therapies used to help them. Therapy in childhood and adolescence is more effective than in adulthood. That said, adults can still be helped if they get the correct trauma therapy.

If you or young people in your life need support then a trauma trained counsellor is the best place to go for psychological and emotional help.
Sub heading Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you or your child with the impacts of Childhood trauma and chronic stress, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

The Impact of Trauma and Stress on Physical Health

I am currently reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, a Canadian doctor who works with trauma and addictions.

In it he talks about the impact of trauma on physical health as well as mental health and addictions.

He is not the only person to write about the connection between physical illness and trauma.

Social Readjustment Scale

Back in 1967 two psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe developed the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. This measured the impact of life events (some positive and others negative) and their impact on physical health. The higher the stress score the greater the chance of developing a physical illness and even dying of that illness.

Adverse Childhood Experiences Scale

In the mid 1990s the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scale was developed. It measured the impact trauma had on physical health outcomes in adult life.

Stress and Health Impacts

Some time ago I read about a woman who at the age of 19 found herself losing stamina and strength. She went to her doctor who told her she was anxious. She had encountered the habit doctors have of discounting those who identify as women.

All efforts to treat this anxiety failed and the woman’s condition further deteriorated. Eventually she found a doctor who paid attention to her symptoms and she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease.

Doctors instructed her to avoid physically and emotionally becoming stressed. The irony of this was that it was emotional stress that had led to this disease.

Stress and the Immune System

Research has shown that stress provokes the immune system more than most things we encounter in life. It has also shown that stress does not affect everyone the same. Some members in the community are more heavily impacted by stress than others. Stress that occurs over a long period of time has a greater impact on the common diseases such as cancer and cardiovascular disease.

The Impact of Stress on Marginalised Communities

Communities where stress is chronic, such as LGBTQ+ communities, indigenous communities and migrant communities, are examples of communities that experience chronic stress.

One feature of these communities that is protective is their community connections. These allow members of the community who are dysregulated by trauma to re-regulate. It is when individuals lack the support of community that chronic stress has a more dramatic impact

Healing Through the 7 Dimensions of Integrative Health

Healing from stress related illnesses requires a multi-faceted approach as does reducing the impact of stress in your life.

Physical Wellness

First there is physical wellness:

• Getting enough sleep

• Eating a well balanced diet with adequate sources of omega fats

• Exercising regularly

• Caring for injuries and illnesses

• Reducing unhealthy behaviours such as smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and recreational drug use.

Environmental Wellness

Then environmental wellness which involves:

• being aware of the challenges and opportunities available

• Getting out into nature

Spiritual Wellness

Spiritual Wellness:

• Knowing your values and morals and upholding them

• Finding purpose, value and meaning in life

• Being fully present and engaged with life

• Giving yourself time out to be alone with your thoughts

• Develop a relationship with nature, a supreme being and other dimensions of the human spirit.

Social Wellness

Social wellness:

• Connecting with others

• Working through conflicts appropriately

• Contributing to your community.

Financial Wellness

Financial Wellness:

• Being able to manage your resources to allow you to live within your means

• Being able to make informed financial decisions

• Being able to set realistic goals.

Work Related Wellness

Vocational Wellness:

• Allow personal satisfaction and life enrichment consistent with your values, goals and lifestyle. This can involve paid or volunteer work.

• Being able to use your unique abilities in work that is personally meaningful and rewarding.

Mental Health

Mental Wellness:

• Practice thinking positively

• Using Gratitude

• Manage stress

• Develop social connections

• Using practices such as meditation and mindfulness to reduce stress and improve awareness.

All Dimensions Interrelate

It is important to remember that all aspects of our lives have an impact on health and that difficulties in one area of life can impact other areas.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma and balancing the areas of your life to promote optimal health, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

Trauma Leads To And Is Exacerbated By Homelessness

When I was a child my mother would put our grown out of clothes in bags for the charity collection. I always remember her saying “there but for the grace of God go you and I”. That is true. We are more at risk of homelessness than many of us realise.

My parents grew up through the depression. My mother lived on a farm and her parents were able to weather the years of scarcity. My father was raised by his single mother. There was no financial support for women, only men, and work was hard to come by. They lived a very hand to mouth existence with unstable accommodation that changed often. I grew up learning the reality of homelessness and need.

Homeless: What Is It

Homelessness has been in the news a lot lately. With a shortage of affordable housing and too many people applying for a limited pool of rental homes there are many people living out of cars, tents, couch surfing and living rough.

By living rough I mean people who have to sleep outside, wherever they can find somewhere safe to sleep. This might be under a bridge, a shop doorstep, on the beach, in a park on the ground. It is an existence far more difficult than those of us who have not experienced homelessness understand.

Misconceptions About Homelessness

There are still many misconceptions about homelessness and homeless people. A number of South East Queensland councils have acted on those misconceptions and are waging war on homeless people.

They subscribe to the misconception that homeless people are alcoholics and drug addicts. They believe homeless people are dirty and leave a mess as well as attracting the “criminal element”. They believe homeless people are criminals and endanger the lives of those “upstanding citizens” who live in the area.

This is not true. Homeless people’s main contact with the justice system is through charges being laid because of where they are sleeping.

Causes Of Homelessness

Research into long term homelessness has shown that one of the major causes of homelessness is trauma. Trauma that results in poor Mental Health. There is so little support for those with poor mental health that many end up homeless.

Research also shows that homelessness is a major cause of trauma and poor mental health.

So those who become homeless but are in good mental health will not stay that way for long. And those who are already mentally unwell will get sicker.

Becoming Homeless Is Easier Than You Think

Becoming homeless after trauma is horrifyingly easy. One case is of a man whose son was killed in an accident. They had rented a home together. This man struggled with grief over his son’s death. This impacted on his work performance, and he lost his job. Then he couldn’t pay his rent. He was unable to find another job. He ended up homeless.

In another case a young woman with severe childhood trauma struggled with PTSD and found it hard to keep jobs. There was not the mental health support she needed to support her in staying employed. She had no one to turn to, no support, and ended up homeless.

It is sadly common for ex military personnel to become homless as a result of severe PTSD. Very little is done to support people who have served in the defence forces.

Homelessness Is A Vicious Spiral.

You become homeless. The lack of sleep and safety damages your mental health. It gets worse. If you are already struggling with poor mental health your mental health deteriorates further.

Sleeping rough on the streets is dangerous. It is never possible to drop your guard, so sleep becomes difficult. Constant vigilance leads to anxiety. Sleep is broken by interruptions: some from council workers moving you on, some from police, and some by members of the public. Unfortunately some members of the public are looking for someone to beat up and you are vulnerable to being their victim.

Constant vigilance reduces the quality and quantity of sleep. You become anxious. Sleep is broken. You never get enough sleep. Studies have shown the detrimental effect sleep deprivation has on people. It results in a deterioration in your mental health.

For homeless women it is worse. Night time is a dangerous time and many women spend the night on the move just trying to stay safe. In the day time they will often hide and try to sleep. Of course sleep quality during the day time is very poor so sleep deprivation and deteriorating mental health are also a problem for women.

It is a vicious cycle. Trauma impacts on the ability to function in society, a society where there are few supports. Inevitably some become homeless. The experience of homelessness, the hypervigilance and the fear feed into more hypervigilance and fear. There is the fear of the initial trauma and then the fear of further trauma. Without good mental health it becomes harder to get off the streets.

Poor mental health is most likely to cause further isolation, deeper anxiety and depression. It can also lead to people using drugs to try to cope with the trauma of homelessness. Treating trauma and supporting those who have become homeless is vital to providing a way out of homelessness.

Secure Sleep Environments Are Also Important.

You may wonder how this relates to you?

It is important to remember that childhood trauma is a major precipitating factor for homelessness. There needs to be more support for childhood trauma recovery. If you have a family member who has suffered trauma then encourage them to seek help. If you are in a position to support counselling financially, or arrange support, then please do it.

Likewise, if you have friends who are struggling then encourage them to seek help and support them to continue with that help by encouraging them to continue with therapy and being there to listen to them.

If you are suffering from trauma then seek help. It can make the difference between you being able to cope with life and maintain a job or becoming homeless.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

*please note that whenever I mention someone in my blogs I never use real names and change the circumstances to de-identify the person who has generously given permission for me to use their story in my blog.

5 Minute Ideas To Give Yourself Love and Destress

How often in your busy day do you find time to care for yourself?

Instead do you find yourself rushing from one task to another and end the day depleted and exhausted?

How often do you wake in the morning dreading the day ahead?

Today I am sharing some ideas of things you can do that will take 5 minutes.

Some of my categories may seem weird but I have based them on research about what assists us to experience less stress. I have given some ideas, you can probably think of many more.

Simple 5 Minute Ideas

My favourite go to simple ideas are:

• A short guided meditation. The app Insight Timer is a great source of 5 minute mediations.

• Writing in your journal about anything.

• Sitting quietly and deep breathing.

• Looking up at the stars in the night sky.

• Savouring a favourite herbal tea.

• Close your eyes and imagine a peaceful place.

• Walk outside and breathe in the fresh air.

• Write down 5 things you are grateful for.

Calming 5 minute ideas

My favourite go to calming ideas are:

• Pat your pet

• Sit in a quiet, peaceful place at home and practice deep breathing.

• Create a vision board of your favourite self care practices. Add to it when taking your 5 minute calming time

• Sing a favourite song

• Close your eyes and just focus on breathing

• Massage your wrists

• Doodle

Positive 5 minute ideas

Focusing on the positive is very calming. My favourites are:

• Visualising a wonderful future

• Reading a good news story

• Writing a loving, positive note to your future self

• Reminisce about a happy memory

• Smile as you take a selfie

• Look at Art that inspires you

• Quick repair to an item of clothing – such as sewing on a button.

Declutter 5 Minute Ideas

May seem weird but clutter is stressful and decluttering is calming.

• Quickly throw together some leftover fruit and green vegetables and make a smoothie

• Organise a drawer (or part of it)

• Write down on thing to achieve for the rest of the day

• Make a list of the things you have completed/accomplished recently

• Reorganise part of your desk (or all if it can be done in 5 minutes)

• Journal what you are thinking

• Tidy your Email inbox

• Choose one item of clothing you no longer need and donate it

Social 5 Minute Ideas

• Text a friend a message of appreciation

• Post a positive status on your social media

• Send a friend a song you think they will like

• Send a message to friends suggesting a get together

• Send a thank you note to someone

• Have a quick catch up with someone special – let them know you have 5 minutes and just want to connect for 5 minutes.

• Share a joke or funny meme you have seen recently

• Tell someone you love them

Move 5 Minute Ideas

• Stand up and stretch. Reach for the sky then down to your toes.

• Dance to a great song

• Roll your shoulders backwards and forwards

• Try out assorted power poses – shoulders back, feet firmly on the ground, head up.

• Sit in your chair slightly differently. Maybe push yourself back into the chair more so you sit more upright.

• Try some simple yoga poses

• Jump. Use a skipping rope or do star jumps.

• Go outside and walk around the garden

• Give a thirsty plant some water

Enjoyable 5 Minute Ideas

• If you like incense or scented candles light one and breathe in that beautiful aroma

• Listen to something inspirational

• Listen to a song you love

• Read a motivational quote

• Start your bucket list and spend 5 minutes brainstorming ideas for it

• Draw what you can see out the window

• Doodle – have a special notebook to do this in and you will always have it on hand

• Colour a page in a colouring book

• Give yourself a quick foot bath

Cozy 5 Minute Ideas

• If it is nighttime, put on your comfortable pyjamas

• Snuggle up with a favourite book

• Massage your palms with your thumbs (it feels so relaxing)

• Put your favourite songs into a playlist.

• Watch part of a favourite movie

• Write a comfort food shopping list

• Sit in a favourite corner with a hot chocolate

Mindful 5 Minute Ideas

• Read a book for 5 minutes, reading slowly to take in the words.

• Work on a puzzle that requires focus. Maybe a crossword, sudoku for example.

• Sit quietly focusing on your breathing and the sensations in your body.

• Paint your nails (try doing that without paying attention!)

• Sit quietly and listen to white noise while breathing deeply

• Walk around outside

• Stretch slowly, focusing on the feeling of the stretch

• Hug a tree

• Repeat a personal mantra

Easy 5 Minute Ideas

• Just sit quietly and be present in your body

• Make yourself a drink of water, herbal tea, anything calming

• Work on a jigsaw

• Take a quick walk

• Cuddle your pet

• Massage your feet

• Listen to the sound of running water

Still Stressed?

If you answer that question with a yes that is not surprising. One 5 minute activity is not going to remove your stress. But many throughout the day, over a period of time can help.

It is also important to take more time out regularly to practice longer self care.

It is also a good idea to start your day with some sort of mindful self care activity to clear your mind and calm your body. This is also a good time to set your intentions for the day. As for yesterday’s stress. Don’t take that on board, but you may consider what needs to be added to your to do list from yesterday’s stress. Take on the activity, not the stress.

It is also important to end your day with a mindful self care activity. This focus is on putting aside the day and allowing yourself to calm your mind before going to sleep. You will sleep better and wake up more refreshed.

Can I Help?

I have studied Mindfulness as part of my Master of Counselling and teach mindfulness as well as practicing it myself.

I have also studied the impacts of stress and stress relieving activities.

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with managing your stress or would like to learn mindfulness, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

Why Experiencing Trauma In Childhood Doesn’t Mean You Are Doomed To Be Mentally Ill

Trauma in childhood can be very disruptive and cause many difficulties for you in adult life.

But

Experiencing childhood trauma does not necessarily result in mental illness in later childhood and adulthood.

What is trauma know to be associated with?

The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study in New Zealand tracked a cohort of children born in 1972 to 1973.

One of this study’s findings was that a form of a gene associated with serotonin transport in the brain appeared to increase an individual’s likelihood of experiencing depression when exposed to trauma.

This has supported the theory that our DNA, that way that DNA is expressed in the body, and our environment can impact on our mental health.

This would also help explain why some people exposed to trauma develop serious mental health problems whereas others manage well in life.

What Is Known?

Research has drawn strong links between trauma and addiction. This is in the way you manage difficulties in life.

Some people are able to “roll with the punches” and can regulate relatively quickly after a distressing event.

Others find it harder and may draw on outside actions, such as drinking alcohol or smoking, to regulate their emotions.

Many people report partaking of the addiction helps them to feel calm, or forget the terrifying experience, or feel less anxious and panicky.

Difficulties With Connecting To Others

What is also known is that experiences in your childhood impact on how you see the world and how you relate to other people.

If your early experiences were supporting and nurturing, you are more likely to see the world as a friendly and helpful place. You will also likely see others as trustworthy and safe to connect with.

But if your early experiences with others were abusive, unhelpful, and/or frightening you are more likely to see the world as unfriendly and not safe. You will also be more wary of others and may be more likely to perceive their behaviour as threatening than those who see others as trustworthy.

The person with positive experiences in childhood is more likely to readily feel comfortable with others while those with negative experiences are more likely to be wary of trusting others.

Brain Changes

What is known is that the brain of those exposed to trauma in childhood develops differently to those not exposed to trauma.

For example, areas of the brain responsible for observing non verbal communication are more developed in traumatised individuals. This is thought to give the child the advantage of being able to detect danger and act on it faster than for those with normal brain development.

In other words these changes increase the child’s chances of survival.

Other areas of the brain have been found to be smaller than for those not exposed to trauma. Some of those areas relate to the perception of “novelty”. In other words the ability to manage unexpected situations and strangers.

When To Seek Help

If you experienced trauma in childhood and are managing life well, then at this point in time you are unlikely to need help.

If you find that there are difficulties around things upsetting you, or difficulty calming down after a difficult event. If you find you feel overwhelmed often, your social life is difficult, others report behaviours they think are a problem, or you think there is a problem (even if you can’t quite put your finger on it).

If you find yourself putting up with bad behaviour from others, or you are a people pleaser, or you have trouble setting boundaries or saying no.

Then it is best to consult a counsellor.

There are occasions in life when everyone can get help from a counsellor, even if just for one or two sessions.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your difficulties in life, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

Is That Drink You Just Have To Have, A Lot, Worrying You? Or The Cigarettes You Just Can’t Give Up? This Is Why You Are Likely To Need Counselling Help To Stop.

Research over many decades has shown that trauma in childhood has impacts that extend throughout childhood into adulthood. These impacts include poor mental health, substance abuse and addiction, as well as physical health impacts.

The Impact Of Trauma On Addiction

Extensive research has proven that people who experience trauma during childhood are more likely to be addicted to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs later in life.

What is trauma? Trauma as referred to in this blog is psychological harm to a person caused by experiences that are a significant threat to the individual or others close to them. Trauma can be emotional, physical, sexual abuse, an addicted parent, natural disasters and serious accidents.

What Is Addiction? What Does Trauma Have To Do With It?

Addiction can take many forms and cover a range of behaviours. For example, people who regularly consume alcohol may not be considered alcoholic, but their dependence on alcohol to feel more relaxed, less socially awkward or cope with stress reveals reliance on alcohol that fits the definition of addiction.

With the recent increase in vaping, including a dramatic increase in teens who vape, there has been a recognition of vaping as another concerning form of addiction.

Research looking at teens who vape has shown that the majority were exposed to trauma below the age of 12.

This is consistent with research looking at teens who drink alcohol, smoke tobacco or use other drugs.

The Dangers Of Physically Addictive Substances

Many substances people take are not physically addictive. This means that once the psychological need for the substance is attended to, the person can manage without the substance.

Other substances are physically addictive. This means that trying to stop using the substance will result in more difficult physical cravings as well as psychological ones. Nicotine is one of the most physically addictive substances people take.

Cigarettes and Vapes contain nicotine. Although vapes are by law banned from containing nicotine, around 99% of vapes confiscated in Australia have been found to contain nicotine.

It Can Take Many Attempts To Overcome Your Addiction To Nicotine

Nicotine is an extremely addictive substance that is physically addictive as well as psychologically addictive. It takes less nicotine for a teenager to be addicted than for an adult. Also their brains respond with stronger cravings when seeking to stop.

Anyone addicted to nicotine will struggle to quit. The strong physical cravings and the trauma that led to the addiction in the first place are strong barriers to quitting.

It can take many attempts to stop before the addict is able to stop.

The Importance Of Counselling In Overcoming Addiction

As an addict you will be better able to stop if you receive counselling support and nicotine replacement therapy.

The importance of counselling support is learning how to cope with feelings that have been self medicated, often for years, with alcohol, cigarettes and other substances.

Why Families And Social Environments Are Not Suitable Supports

Trauma most often occurs in the family and social environments. Many people start using substances as teenagers, modelling their behaviour on the coping behaviours of the adults in their lives.

Instead of learning healthy ways of dealing with the stress of the trauma, unhealthy ways are learned and passed down through the generations.

Self-Medicating and Brain Development

Using these addictive substances is known as self-medicating. You have a drink and feel calmer, you smoke or vape and feel you can manage things better and so on.

All of these addictive substances physically damage the body, as well as causing harm to the brain.

Neuroscientists studying the impacts of this self-medicating report that it causes damage to the developing brain of teenagers and results in the brain not developing properly. This is more damaging than damage to existing brain structures as occurs in adulthood because it prevents part of the brain developing.

So it is important to stop

Why The Ideal Supports Are Not Ideal

Ideally, stopping using an addictive substance would involve support from family and friends. For many people this support will not happen because this is the source of their trauma and learned unhealthy coping behaviours.

For this reason, counselling support is essential so that you can process and heal from the trauma and learn healthy coping strategies to replace the addictive substance.

There is also a possibility that if you stop your addiction to a substance without treating the underlying trauma that has caused it, you may switch to another substance of addiction.

Trauma, Stress and Addiction

It is also known that trauma has an impact on the development of the brain. Trauma can result in brain changes that lead to greater impulsivity and risk taking behaviour. This doesn’t apply to everyone who has encountered trauma, but is frequently seen.

Far more common is the impact trauma has on the brain’s ability to manage stress. Someone with a trauma history is more likely to be more reactive to stress and less able to cope with it.

If you add the damage to the brain by addiction to the damage caused by trauma then it is really problematic for you.

It is possible to learn how to manage stress, but for this you need a qualified counsellor.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your problem drinking or smoking/vaping, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

The Experience Of Children Who Lose Their Homes Traumatically

For many years it has been recognised that children cope better with traumatic situations if their parents are able to manage well with the situation and are able to maintain a reasonably stable environment for them.

This is why after disasters there is a push for all people, but especially children, to get back to a routine as soon as possible.

We Are All At Risk When Our Routines Are Disrupted

It is easy when we are safe in our homes with access to food, water, shelter, medical care and support networks to be unaware of the impact of losing all that.

But when you have to leave your home, or it is destroyed, all that changes.

Health, both physical and mental, breaks down very quickly when you no longer are able to protect yourself from the impacts of weather, when you cannot find food or have no water.

Children Are More Vulnerable

For the child in this situation there is more vulnerability.

It is very common for families to become separated, and to face life threatening conditions in these situations.

Even after the child is able to find alternative housing, the mental health impacts continue.

Sub heading What Does This Have To Do With Me?

It is important that you, as a member of the Australian community, are aware of the needs of others in the community.

Untreated trauma impacts on the entire community.

• It impacts on the growing child’s ability to live a productive life.

• It impacts on their behaviour and can lead to anti social behaviour.

All Children Can Be Impacted by Trauma

Children impacted by Domestic Violence, especially those who have to flee dangerous situations and have to remain on high alert as the Justice and Family Law systems fail to protect them adequately from a dangerous family member, are exposed to serious trauma.

Children impacted by large scale natural disasters such as bushfires, cyclones and flooding are also exposed to a level of trauma.

What Trauma Challenges Do Children Face?

• Loss and separation: Children lose their homes, the safe framework of their lives initially. They can be exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, loss of family members, loss of friends, loss of familiar faces, loss of community.

• Uncertainty and instability: The familiar structure of their home and community is lost. Everything familiar has been disrupted or is gone. Prior to this the child has been able to feel secure in the reliability of routines and activities. Things they may have been able to do before, such as explore their world and play in the park or with friends, are no longer possible to do.
Boundaries and routines give children security and a feeling of safety. When they are disrupted, children don’t feel safe. In these situations parents remaining calm can help children feel safer. Things may not be the same but parents are still a reassuring presence that the child feels can keep them safe.

• Financial and Social Coping: Families who have had to leave their homes often struggle financially. It is hard for parents to meet the needs of the family. This leads to Parents struggling with self-regulation in very stressful situations.

Children often feel they must share responsibility for supporting the family. Parents who struggle may not realise this is happening. Children who feel responsible in this way can become overwhelmed and feel very disempowered.

Short Term Effects of Trauma on Children

Intense anxiety, sadness, difficulty sleeping and disorientation is most commonly experienced by children in these situations.

Starting at a new school is difficult.

When the children have to move frequently, as can be the case with Domestic Violence, there is the stress of having to start new schools frequently. Academically it can be hard to keep up with the year group. This can lead to diminished self worth.

Long Term Effects of Trauma on Children

Intense anxiety can over time give way to chronic anxiety. Depression is also likely. Trust and attachment are major casualties of this type of trauma and children can continue to struggle with this.

Forming a stable identity is impacted by repeated moves.

Children will often feel they don’t belong anywhere and feel different and alienated from those around them.

What Can The Family Do To Support Children and Each Other?

A healthy family structure with at least one safe adult is a vital asset for traumatised children.

• Stability and routine: Family is part of the safe structure of a child’s life. Good family routines create a safer, more predictable environment. Children feel more secure and safe.

• Emotional support: Healthy families support each other. Children know where they can go to for support and reassurance.

• Modelling Coping Strategies: As mentioned earlier, when parents are able to model good coping strategies and provide a sense of routine, children feel safer. They also learn healthy ways to cope with difficult situations.

Helping Your Child

Get mental health help early. For you and your child.

Be aware of the long term effects of trauma. There will likely be a need to seek mental health help later as well.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you and your children to process the trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

Trauma That Impacts On Your Mental Health

Trauma is something that seriously impacts you to the point that when in the traumatic situation you were worried about your safety, that of others or those around you. You may even experience potential loss of life or potential severe injury. These events permanently alter your perception of safety.

Trauma can be any disturbing experience. The trauma aspect is that you experience significant fear, feelings of helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings that are intense enough to continue over a period of time to have a negative impact on your attitudes, behaviour and other aspects of normal functioning.

When you feel you are in, or about to go into a, threatening situation you develop intense feelings of fear and anger. Other indicators that you are experiencing a perceived threat include shifts in attention, shifts in perception and changes in emotion. These feelings are caused by your brain going into a “fight or flight response.”

How Trauma Shows Up For You

Trauma can manifest itself in various ways. Some people can experience depression and intense sadness. Others may feel helpless and powerless.

One of the most common impacts of trauma is hypervigilance. This is where you constantly scan your surroundings, communications with other people, even interactions out of the home for potential threats to your safety.

Hypervigilance is part of your fight or flight response. This constant scanning for danger.

When you are in a hypervigilant state you will be anxious and may experience sweating and elevated heart rate.

Intense Sadness

It is very common to experience intense sadness and disconnection after a traumatic event.

The event has challenged your sense of safety and often you feared harm or even death as the outcome.

Not surprisingly it can feel very unreal and disconnected after such an event. You have lost a sense of safety in your life and this is a loss that you need to adjust you.

Any loss is something to grieve. As I relate in my blogs on grief. That carries a lot of adjustments and takes time to incorporate the event into your future life.

Allow yourself time to experience that sadness. Allow all the feelings associated with that to be experienced.

If you are having trouble coping with those feelings, an appointment with a trauma trained counsellor is a good idea.

Hypervigilance.

When you have experienced a traumatic event you are going to be primed to watch out for a similar event. That is totally normal. It is how your brain works to protect you.

Having lost a sense of safety and trust in the safeness of your world, your brain is going to be working hard to ensure your safety.

This means constantly being on the lookout for danger.

You may well find yourself preoccupied with searching for safety when you need to attend to something or someone else.

A great example is my daughter’s dog. She is quite nervy. When she sees a threat (usually a larger dog) she freezes. She won’t even accept treats until the danger is passed. She loves treats so that shows how strong the fight flight response is. All focus is on safety and being ready to run or fight. There is no space in that response for eating or normal conversation.

Someone who is constantly hypervigilant finds it very hard focusing on their work and getting things done.

Helplessness

Many people feel they have no control over what happens to them.

When trauma is experienced in childhood that child is very disempowered and develops learned helplessness. Many people never grow out of that learned helplessness as they grow into adulthood.

One of the biggest tasks in treating trauma is to empower you to be able to develop a sense of being able to solve issues in life.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma healing, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

Breathing Space is a necessary part of life

There has been extensive research into the impacts of stress on our physical and emotional health. It can cause our cells in our bodies to age faster.

There has also been extensive research into the benefits of taking time out to rest and relax.

But what exactly is rest and relaxation?

How do you overcome the subliminal messaging that you are wasting time if you aren’t achieving something, or ticking off something on your to do list?

How do you allow space in your life to just be, not do?

Seeing Breathing Space as Essential

It is time to stop seeing allowing breathing space as something you have to earn, or that is lazy or indulgent. It is time to realise that breathing space is a basic human need.

To have true breathing space you have to allow your brain to rest. The human brain is not designed to handle constant activity. Constant activity is detrimental to brain health. It also stifles creativity.

Spending time on the computer or on your phone does not rest your brain. In fact research has shown it can increase anxiety and depression.

In a busy day even 10 minutes of brain rest is helpful.

What Are The Benefits of Giving Your Brain a Rest?

Research has shown you focus better on tasks after a short brain rest.

Short breaks can also increase your energy levels and reduce feelings of fatigue.

Giving yourself breathing space also increases your creativity.

When your brain is overloaded it is tired and stressed. Irritability is more common as is also a reduction in compassion for self and others.

How Do You Allow Breathing Space Into Your Life?

• Focus on ‘nothing’

• Start small and work up to longer breathing space

• When in doubt, lie down.

To expand on this:

By focusing on ‘nothing’ you are actually practising mindfulness. In mindfulness you are not actually clearing your mind. This is a common misconception and leads many people to feel they have failed at meditation.

What you are doing is shifting your focus. Instead of your attention darting from one thing to another, you are instead focusing on one thing – your breathe. This focus on your breath is very relaxing. It sends a signal to your brain that you are safe and allows your brain to rest.

When thoughts enter your mind you just acknowledge them and don’t engage with them. It is like sitting in a waiting room. Other people come in and you notice they are there, but you do not talk to them. That is what you do with thoughts. You notice they are there, but you don’t engage with them.

Walking Meditation

Mindfulness can take many forms. In this blog I am talking about walking mindfulness meditation.

This involves a focus on walking. You pay attention to your breath and your feet as you put one foot down, then another. You can stop every so often to just notice what is around you and allow your focus to shift to those things. Then you can go back to noticing your breath and feet as you put one foot down.

You can do this anywhere, but it is best done outside on the ground. This adds the positive impact of nature into your breathing space activity.

Would you like to know more?

If you live on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia I run a Friday morning (7am) walking meditation group. We meet at Mooloolaba Surf Club at 7am and walk and meditate on the beach for an hour. This allows mindfulness to be combined with the breathing space effect of nature.

If you would like to know more about the Friday morning group, please contact me on nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to know more but cannot make my walking group, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au to arrange an appointment.

If you would like to learn even more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz