Trauma is talked about a lot these days. This hasn’t always been so. I can remember in the 1980s discussions about childhood trauma and the resistance of many people suddenly confronted by the prevalence of childhood trauma who felt threatened and resisted the truth.
For those who suffered trauma it was a relief to finally be able to have their trauma acknowledged and treated.
Trauma Is The Thief Of Peace
I have heard trauma described as a thief of peace. The depth of trauma leaving scars that seem to be eternal. Certainly those scars take a long time to deal with. For most people there will always be some vestiges of trauma left to heal throughout life.
Trauma Impacts Future Generations
With the acknowledgement of the existence and impacts of trauma, there has come a recognition that trauma impacts on future generations. This is not only because future generations may be impacted by parents, grandparents, even entire communities who are traumatised but also because of the way trauma alters the way your genes are expressed in your body. These changes are passed down to future generations.
Intergenerational trauma has been researched for many decades now and there is an increasing body of evidence that proves how trauma can travel biologically and psychologically through generations.
Epigenetics and Trauma
For the biological impacts, much research has focused on the field of epigenetics. This is not some futuristic science fiction story, but a genuine scientific field that studies how environmental factors, including trauma, can alter the way our genes are expressed. It doesn’t change our genetic code, but it does change how our DNA is activated and expressed in the body.
The Holocaust has been a strong starting point for research in this area. For a long time there has been an awareness of the difficulties holocaust survivors had raising children while struggling to cope with the trauma of their experiences. But more recent research has demonstrated that the children of Holocaust survivors have unique epigenetic markers that relate to the genes that govern the stress response.
Other research I have read looked at the impacts on the grandchildren of Holocaust survivors and found health impacts in this generation as well.
Trauma Can Reshape The Biological Inheritance Of Future Generations
Studies of more recent traumas, including 9/11 and modern day wars have looked at the children of women who experienced these trauma. These children have altered cortisol levels, which are indicators of stress. Their altered cortisol levels indicate a disruption in their stress regulation mechanisms.
Frighteningly, the research has shown that trauma can reshape the biological inheritance that is passed from one generation to the next.
More recent traumas, such as the Rwandan Genocide have been studied and descendants of these survivors have been found to suffer grief, anxiety and hypervigilance despite not having been alive at the time.
Community Trauma and Its Impacts
Another aspect of genocide is that is not only impacts individuals, but entire communities. When communities are destroyed or displaced cultural practices are disrupted, extended family bonds are broken, community identities are destroyed. This increases the impact of the trauma.
For communities programs to rebuild cultural heritage, preserve memories and rebuild community resilience are vital to reduce the impact of genocidal trauma on individuals within that community.
The Multi-Generational Impacts of Colonialisation On Indigenous Communities
What happens when the genocide happened historically, not recently? For many indigenous communities around the world who endured colonisation, including in Australia, massacres, removal from land, stealing of children, and destruction of culture, have left descendants with broken connections. And for many indigenous communities worldwide, the trauma continues today.
The same occurs with those who were stolen from their countries and removed to other countries as slaves.
For both types of community there is a biological trauma load embedded in the DNA of the entire community. The load of psychological trauma adds to the biological trauma.
The importance of culture and cultural practices
All cultures have rituals, but indigenous cultures tend to be more ritual centred. Rituals, storytelling and community support systems are really beneficial to assist in healing from and protecting against the impact of trauma.
The Physical Impacts of Trauma
So much of the discussions around trauma focuses on the psychological and behavioural impacts. But research has shown that trauma survivors have a greater incidence of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and autoimmune disorders. One of the best known research projects is the one that studied the impact adverse childhood experiences had on health outcomes in adulthood. This study resulted in the ACE score which measures the trauma in children and indicates the likelihood of adverse health outcomes in adulthood.
Cause For Hope
It is sobering to learn that trauma in previous generations may have impacted on your health and ability to manage stress. It is sobering to learn that trauma you have experienced may impact on the health and stress coping of your descendants. But there is always hope.
This research is in its infancy. It is possible that in time, with more research, ways to manage these changes will be found.
In the meantime, be aware of trauma impacts on you from your ancestors and trauma impacts on your descendants. Being aware is a way to be prepared to take action to manage those impacts.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
An astonishing number of people don’t know they had traumatic childhoods. They just thought their childhoods were like everyone else’s.
When I was studying for my Counselling degree I took an elective on Family and Relationship Counselling. In some lectures we would have discussions about things we did with our families as children. I realised then how much other people did with their families and how little my family did. So much of what went on in my childhood involved my father’s meltdowns which involved emotional and physical abuse.
When I started seeing clients they would tell me about their issues and not understanding why they were the way they were. Eventually they would start talking about their childhoods and it was so obvious that their childhoods were not what is considered normal and just like me, they hadn’t realised their childhoods were not like other people’s.
I wonder if you had a “normal” childhood or had one that you didn’t realise was traumatising.
The following stories are ones I found on an online public forum. I have selected the ones that matched ones many of my client’s have told me.
Witnessing Someone Die
There is the story of the 16 year old on the way home from school. As they stood waiting to cross the road another teen ran out and was hit by a car. They ran to help and cradled the teen’s head in their lap. The teen opened their eyes and looked at this 16 year old. They observed their eyes change from a bright blue, to medium blue, to dull grey as they died.
The paramedics came and took the teen away. No one checked on the 16 year old. They went home and told their family. It was never talked about again.
Years later they saw something on the television that brought back the memory of that incident and they cried uncontrollably for some time.
They hadn’t realised what had happened to them was so unusual.
They had to seek counselling to processing the trauma.
My Grandmother
The 16 year old’s story reminded me of when I was 12 and my grandmother had a cardiac arrest. I tried to resuscitate her but she died. No one ever talked about it.
I felt so guilty, believing I had stuffed up and she would have been alive if I had resuscitated her properly.
I wasn’t until over 20 years later when I tried to resuscitate a patient who choked to death and observed her colour go from healthy pink through deep red, purple, blue and finally wax white that memories of resuscitating my grandmother came back. It really shook me and I struggled to process those memories. After many years I saw a counsellor and was able to process them.
Sexual Abuse
Another person told the story of how their grandparents would kiss them and their siblings on their genitals to “show how much they loved them. Their parents treated it as normal. They even did this to their younger cousins because they believed it was a demonstration of love.
When they grew older they realised this was not normal and were horrified.
Education like the Bravehearts program is really important to teach children what is not okay. Without that information this person had no idea.
The Young Soldier
Another person signed up to the military. When they went off to basic training they were astonished that others cried and missed their family. This young recruit thoughts had turned to how nice it was to have no one hit them and to not be so overburdened with work they were expected to do. They had no idea it wasn’t normal to be hit and worked hard.
Being Shown Affection and Provided with Food
A woman was surprised when her husband’s mother made food for him and gave him hugs. She had no idea people did that. It certainly never happened in her family.
Abusive Behaviour
One person reported their father taught them to swim by pushing them in the deep end of a pool and walking away. Fortunately their cousin saw what happened and rescued them.
The Take Off Your Clothes Teacher.
There are three I have selected for this.
One was from a woman who as a young child (5-10) had swimming lessons at a local pool. The children arrived after school in their uniforms and were taken into a room to change. They had to stand in a circle and completely undress before putting on their swimmers. A male staff member would always watch them. He wasn’t one of the teachers. He was only there when they were changing.
The woman realised later how odd that was.
Girls of 14-15 in class with one teacher had to take off their tops to prove they didn’t have “spaghetti tops” on underneath.
When I was in Primary School – 10-12 – there was a male teacher who would make the girls take off their sports tops and run around in their sport bloomers (we had to wear them under our tops) in sport. He claimed it helped them to run more freely. He was never my teacher but I remember watching once while girls a few years younger then me were in the playing field on the main road and forced to take their tops off. It was so humiliating for those who didn’t have a singlet on underneath, but even those were humiliated by having to show their singlets (this was the early 1970s when you didn’t do that sort of thing). I often wonder what sort of excitement that gave him.
Neglect
One person reported learning about their mother leaving them in their cot to go out and have a good time. She would leave the person alone and they remember crying and waiting for her to come home. She claimed she was always terrified they would be caught in a fire or die while she was out. But it didn’t stop her going out.
The Uncaring Parent
Another person talked about their mother never offering support or nurturance when they hurt themselves, sometimes very badly. They didn’t realise until they were seeing a counsellor that the mother’s behaviour was abnormal.
The Abusive Relative
There were many reports of uncles who would play strange tickle games and the adults would just ignore it and allow it to happen.
Another was of a young girl whose grandfather would sit close to her and touch her in the presence of the rest of the family. When she complained she was told to just go sit somewhere else.
Others reported neighbours who would bribe them to allow him to touch them sexually.
The Addict Parent
Many reported having to deal with parents who were high or severely drunk.
One reported having to drive their father home at the age of 8 because the father was too drunk to drive.
Another reported how their drunk father would become violent and would chase them around with knives and other objects to hit or throw at them. On one occasion the father went on such a long and noisy rampage that the police were called and had to taser the father to stop him.
Another reported their grandmother trying to inject them with heroin when they were a small child.
Not Being Given Food
One person talked about how their parents split up and the mother was so caught up in trying to cope and work that she never supplied food for her children. This person had to learn to cook food for their younger siblings and themselves. The mother didn’t even notice she had stopped cooking for her children.
More Sexual Abuse
One woman reported her mother making her shower with her mother’s boyfriends from the age of 8 into her teens. She didn’t realise until she was in her 20s that this was not normal.
Parental Kidnapping
Many told of being kidnapped by their father and the lengthy process their mother had to go through to get them back. Many were taught to think badly of their mother.
One person and their mother had to go into hiding to avoid the father trying to kidnap them again. That was their childhood. Moving constantly. No photos to be taken. No seeing family in case he followed them.
Violence
One person spoke about living in an isolated rural area and their family and another spoke of their family getting into a gun fight while they hid in fear. That was normal for them growing up.
Another spoke about their parents getting them to play a game of staying on the floor the longest. They didn’t realise until much later it was because gun fights had broken out in their neighbourhood.
Cleanliness.
One just commented that they thought only rich people had clean houses because their house was filthy.
Excessive Discipline
Then there was the person who was beaten up when they didn’t get A grades.
Mental Illness in the Family
Many reported the erratic and disturbing behaviour of mentally ill family members.
One lost track of the number of times they came home from school and had to call an ambulance because their mother had made yet another suicide attempt. Another reported not realising how unusual it was for the police to be constantly called to an out of control mentally ill family member. It wasn’t until they visited friends houses and notice the calm there that they realised their family was so unusual.
Physical abuse
Another said they thought everyone was beaten up by their babysitters.
More Sexual Abuse
One woman said she didn’t know girls weren’t supposed to have internal exams done by their doctor “as a matter of course”. She was constantly examined by her doctor. She thought she had to grin and bear it because it was part of female health care. She was in her adult years before she discovered this was abuse and definitely not normal.
Lack of Affection
One person reported being given no affection as a child. There were no mementos or memorabilia of them kept either. It was only when friends started getting out childhood photos, baby books, memorabilia, hand and foot prints that they realised none of that had been kept for them.
Another woman related how she and her husband attended a reunion of his family. She loved hearing the stories family members told of their childhood and was surprised to realise that none of her childhood memories involved adults. Her memories were of caring for her siblings and being sent on long plane trips on her own without assistance from the age of 9. She also remembered cooking 1 minute noodles for herself and her siblings for meals. Her main memory of adults was of her father being away driving trucks all the time and her mother passing out from too much alcohol.
Waking Up To The Knowledge of Abuse
Each of these stories has a parallel in someone who has come to me to explore their pain. In most cases they had no idea their childhood was so unusual. That the cause of their pain was childhood trauma. For those who were aware, that awareness had come much later in life and drew them to seek help.
Despite what others may tell you, research has shown that it is not possible to heal from trauma without counselling assistance. You can do things that seem to help but involve burying the trauma. Your body will never let you just bury it. It will cry out in either emotional or physical pain to be healed.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your childhood trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
Research has proven that trauma experienced in childhood impacts on a person’s psychological and emotional well being throughout life. In other words, it impacts their mental health throughout life.
The things that children experience influence the development of the brain and therefore have an influence on behavioural and psychological development.
Chronic Stress is Trauma
Chronic or severe stress, often described as trauma, has a long term effect on the child’s development.
Children exposed to that stress often have low self-esteem, are vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and are more likely to abuse substances and become addicted to them. These substances include cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. The addictions are coping mechanisms that make the addict feel better for a while. Unfortunately over time those substances need to be taken in increasing quantities to impact and the “solution” they offer is only temporary.
Difficulties In Adolescence and Adulthood Caused By Chronic Stress
Self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide are common responses to childhood trauma and the difficulty of coping with the stressors in adult life. There are also psychiatric conditions that have been demonstrated to have childhood trauma as their origin.
Trauma and Chronic Stress Requires Skilled Therapy To Heal
Healing from trauma is not something a pill can fix. It requires skilled therapy.
The best approach is to intervene in childhood to heal the harm caused by childhood trauma. This includes the impacts of bullying on children.
Bullying And The Difficulty For Adults In Handling Bullies
Sadly, many adults do not know how to handle bullies. Many adults adopt the strategies they employed in childhood to manage bullying of children. They try to pretend it isn’t happening and are too frightened to get involved. This results in children not being supported when they need support.
As a result, early and easy to stop bullying behaviours are allowed to fester and grow and increase the damage caused to the victims. Bullies do not stop these behaviours because they grow up. Many childhood bullies, having learned this behaviour meets their need, continue to use bullying behaviours in adult life.
Education Is A Major Stressor
Other stressors in childhood include education. Many children find the constant pressure to perform at school and complete homework tasks is overwhelming. This stress increases throughout childhood and impacts the child’s developing brain and coping skills in adult life.
Self Organisation Impacts
For children who experience chronic stress there are also difficulties in self organisation. This impacts on the children as they proceed into high school and increases stress and its impacts.
Difficulty In Peer Relationships
Children exposed to chronic stress often find it hard to have relationships with their peers. This is particularly so when bullying at school occurs.
The Importance of Early Intervention
It is recognised that children need their difficulties identified as soon as possible and trauma focused therapies used to help them. Therapy in childhood and adolescence is more effective than in adulthood. That said, adults can still be helped if they get the correct trauma therapy.
If you or young people in your life need support then a trauma trained counsellor is the best place to go for psychological and emotional help. Sub heading Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you or your child with the impacts of Childhood trauma and chronic stress, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
I am currently reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, a Canadian doctor who works with trauma and addictions.
In it he talks about the impact of trauma on physical health as well as mental health and addictions.
He is not the only person to write about the connection between physical illness and trauma.
Social Readjustment Scale
Back in 1967 two psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe developed the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. This measured the impact of life events (some positive and others negative) and their impact on physical health. The higher the stress score the greater the chance of developing a physical illness and even dying of that illness.
Adverse Childhood Experiences Scale
In the mid 1990s the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scale was developed. It measured the impact trauma had on physical health outcomes in adult life.
Stress and Health Impacts
Some time ago I read about a woman who at the age of 19 found herself losing stamina and strength. She went to her doctor who told her she was anxious. She had encountered the habit doctors have of discounting those who identify as women.
All efforts to treat this anxiety failed and the woman’s condition further deteriorated. Eventually she found a doctor who paid attention to her symptoms and she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease.
Doctors instructed her to avoid physically and emotionally becoming stressed. The irony of this was that it was emotional stress that had led to this disease.
Stress and the Immune System
Research has shown that stress provokes the immune system more than most things we encounter in life. It has also shown that stress does not affect everyone the same. Some members in the community are more heavily impacted by stress than others. Stress that occurs over a long period of time has a greater impact on the common diseases such as cancer and cardiovascular disease.
The Impact of Stress on Marginalised Communities
Communities where stress is chronic, such as LGBTQ+ communities, indigenous communities and migrant communities, are examples of communities that experience chronic stress.
One feature of these communities that is protective is their community connections. These allow members of the community who are dysregulated by trauma to re-regulate. It is when individuals lack the support of community that chronic stress has a more dramatic impact
Healing Through the 7 Dimensions of Integrative Health
Healing from stress related illnesses requires a multi-faceted approach as does reducing the impact of stress in your life.
Physical Wellness
First there is physical wellness:
• Getting enough sleep
• Eating a well balanced diet with adequate sources of omega fats
• Exercising regularly
• Caring for injuries and illnesses
• Reducing unhealthy behaviours such as smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and recreational drug use.
Environmental Wellness
Then environmental wellness which involves:
• being aware of the challenges and opportunities available
• Getting out into nature
Spiritual Wellness
Spiritual Wellness:
• Knowing your values and morals and upholding them
• Finding purpose, value and meaning in life
• Being fully present and engaged with life
• Giving yourself time out to be alone with your thoughts
• Develop a relationship with nature, a supreme being and other dimensions of the human spirit.
Social Wellness
Social wellness:
• Connecting with others
• Working through conflicts appropriately
• Contributing to your community.
Financial Wellness
Financial Wellness:
• Being able to manage your resources to allow you to live within your means
• Being able to make informed financial decisions
• Being able to set realistic goals.
Work Related Wellness
Vocational Wellness:
• Allow personal satisfaction and life enrichment consistent with your values, goals and lifestyle. This can involve paid or volunteer work.
• Being able to use your unique abilities in work that is personally meaningful and rewarding.
Mental Health
Mental Wellness:
• Practice thinking positively
• Using Gratitude
• Manage stress
• Develop social connections
• Using practices such as meditation and mindfulness to reduce stress and improve awareness.
All Dimensions Interrelate
It is important to remember that all aspects of our lives have an impact on health and that difficulties in one area of life can impact other areas.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma and balancing the areas of your life to promote optimal health, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
When I was a child my mother would put our grown out of clothes in bags for the charity collection. I always remember her saying “there but for the grace of God go you and I”. That is true. We are more at risk of homelessness than many of us realise.
My parents grew up through the depression. My mother lived on a farm and her parents were able to weather the years of scarcity. My father was raised by his single mother. There was no financial support for women, only men, and work was hard to come by. They lived a very hand to mouth existence with unstable accommodation that changed often. I grew up learning the reality of homelessness and need.
Homeless: What Is It
Homelessness has been in the news a lot lately. With a shortage of affordable housing and too many people applying for a limited pool of rental homes there are many people living out of cars, tents, couch surfing and living rough.
By living rough I mean people who have to sleep outside, wherever they can find somewhere safe to sleep. This might be under a bridge, a shop doorstep, on the beach, in a park on the ground. It is an existence far more difficult than those of us who have not experienced homelessness understand.
Misconceptions About Homelessness
There are still many misconceptions about homelessness and homeless people. A number of South East Queensland councils have acted on those misconceptions and are waging war on homeless people.
They subscribe to the misconception that homeless people are alcoholics and drug addicts. They believe homeless people are dirty and leave a mess as well as attracting the “criminal element”. They believe homeless people are criminals and endanger the lives of those “upstanding citizens” who live in the area.
This is not true. Homeless people’s main contact with the justice system is through charges being laid because of where they are sleeping.
Causes Of Homelessness
Research into long term homelessness has shown that one of the major causes of homelessness is trauma. Trauma that results in poor Mental Health. There is so little support for those with poor mental health that many end up homeless.
Research also shows that homelessness is a major cause of trauma and poor mental health.
So those who become homeless but are in good mental health will not stay that way for long. And those who are already mentally unwell will get sicker.
Becoming Homeless Is Easier Than You Think
Becoming homeless after trauma is horrifyingly easy. One case is of a man whose son was killed in an accident. They had rented a home together. This man struggled with grief over his son’s death. This impacted on his work performance, and he lost his job. Then he couldn’t pay his rent. He was unable to find another job. He ended up homeless.
In another case a young woman with severe childhood trauma struggled with PTSD and found it hard to keep jobs. There was not the mental health support she needed to support her in staying employed. She had no one to turn to, no support, and ended up homeless.
It is sadly common for ex military personnel to become homless as a result of severe PTSD. Very little is done to support people who have served in the defence forces.
Homelessness Is A Vicious Spiral.
You become homeless. The lack of sleep and safety damages your mental health. It gets worse. If you are already struggling with poor mental health your mental health deteriorates further.
Sleeping rough on the streets is dangerous. It is never possible to drop your guard, so sleep becomes difficult. Constant vigilance leads to anxiety. Sleep is broken by interruptions: some from council workers moving you on, some from police, and some by members of the public. Unfortunately some members of the public are looking for someone to beat up and you are vulnerable to being their victim.
Constant vigilance reduces the quality and quantity of sleep. You become anxious. Sleep is broken. You never get enough sleep. Studies have shown the detrimental effect sleep deprivation has on people. It results in a deterioration in your mental health.
For homeless women it is worse. Night time is a dangerous time and many women spend the night on the move just trying to stay safe. In the day time they will often hide and try to sleep. Of course sleep quality during the day time is very poor so sleep deprivation and deteriorating mental health are also a problem for women.
It is a vicious cycle. Trauma impacts on the ability to function in society, a society where there are few supports. Inevitably some become homeless. The experience of homelessness, the hypervigilance and the fear feed into more hypervigilance and fear. There is the fear of the initial trauma and then the fear of further trauma. Without good mental health it becomes harder to get off the streets.
Poor mental health is most likely to cause further isolation, deeper anxiety and depression. It can also lead to people using drugs to try to cope with the trauma of homelessness. Treating trauma and supporting those who have become homeless is vital to providing a way out of homelessness.
Secure Sleep Environments Are Also Important.
You may wonder how this relates to you?
It is important to remember that childhood trauma is a major precipitating factor for homelessness. There needs to be more support for childhood trauma recovery. If you have a family member who has suffered trauma then encourage them to seek help. If you are in a position to support counselling financially, or arrange support, then please do it.
Likewise, if you have friends who are struggling then encourage them to seek help and support them to continue with that help by encouraging them to continue with therapy and being there to listen to them.
If you are suffering from trauma then seek help. It can make the difference between you being able to cope with life and maintain a job or becoming homeless.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
*please note that whenever I mention someone in my blogs I never use real names and change the circumstances to de-identify the person who has generously given permission for me to use their story in my blog.
Do you struggle to feel joy, peace and love? Did you know that the unresolved, lingering residue of past overwhelming experiences can get in the way of your ability to feel anything at all?
Many people think there is something wrong with them because they don’t feel the same joy, peace and love they see others feel. I have lost track of the number of people who wonder if they are narcissistic because they can’t feel love for others, even those closest to them.
Many people when honest will admit to not feeling much of anything. There may be transient occasional glimmers of joy and love but it is only ever fleeting.
The reality for these people is that their experience is a natural aftermath of trauma.
Trauma Leads To Numbing
Numbing yourself from emotions is a normal biological reaction to serious trauma. According to trauma researcher and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, trauma is any painful experience that the individual cannot escape and which overwhelms the individual’s capacity to cope.
For children exposed to trauma that capacity has had little if any development so it doesn’t take much to overwhelm them. For adults the extent of their ability to cope will depend on what opportunities were present in childhood to development the capacity to cope.
Why The Brain Numbs and the Impacts
Survival when experiencing overwhelming stress depends on the ability to shut down the areas of the brain that are involved in transmitting the terrifying feelings and emotions experienced in trauma.
The trouble with this shut down is that both negative and positive feelings and emotions are shut down. Many trauma survivors will report feeling like their feelings are frozen and they are separated from those they love by a wall of thick glass.
This is described as emotional detachment, desensitisation, depersonalisation, alexithymia and dissociation.
Imagine not fully experiencing the joy of an amazing piece of music, of a loved one’s touch or an amazing sunset. Imagine instead that you experience only a fraction of the joy such things normally evoke. What you can experience is subdued.
The problem extends to losing the ability to recognise what you are feeling. Reacting to things is often numbed or at best delayed. Making sense of what is going on is really difficult. Being able to look internally and be aware of what you are thinking and feeling and understanding what is actually happening for you doesn’t happen, or may happen much later when it is safe to think.
Why “Quick Fix” Therapies Don’t Work
It is very popular at the moment for people to seek “quick fix” therapies that promise to immediately switch off these problem areas. But these quick fixes don’t work in the long term. Learning to switch on the blocked brain areas takes time. Trauma pathways need to be downgraded and new neuronal networks need to grow to connect the brain to those shut down areas. This takes time. Even in children a new neural pathway takes time to grow and children have faster developing brains than adults.
Much as we would all like our problems to be overcome quickly it is just not possible.
If you have experienced trauma, especially in childhood, you will often find it is hard to describe what you are feeling because you don’t know what your physical sensations in your body mean. This is because you learned to disconnect from your physical sensations in order to manage the overwhelming fear and pain. Your brain then severs the connections between it and the rest of your sensory system in your body.
Losing Your Sense of Who Am I?
This blocking also impacts on your sense of self. You can’t know who you are unless you are able to feel and interpret your physical sensations.
The result of not being able to feel your physical sensations is that you feel muddled and often very hazy inside. You can miss a sense of how overwhelming events in the past were and therefore not be able to comprehend the significance of past events.
Numbing The Past So That It Seems Like Nothing Bad Happened
It is common for traumatised adults to not be able to comprehend how much the past has impacted on them.
One part of trauma therapy involves being able to understand that “blindness” of the past and learn to understand the enormity of what has happened.
An Example.
An example of this is an incident I was in many years ago. I was beaten up by another woman, not because of anything I did wrong, but because that was the space she was in. My immediate response was to feel shame and to feel I did something wrong to cause it to happen. This was something I was primed to believe as a child. I was only beaten because I was bad and it was my fault. It was only later when I told a friend and she reacted with horror that I realised what was done to me was wrong and it was not my fault. I was not used to other people thinking such treatment of me was wrong. This is a common experience for a traumatised child.
The Impact On The Way You Relate To Others
The way you relate to other people, especially those in authority, is impacted by your childhood experience of relationships with the adults in your life. If you had a parent who was angry and judgemental, you may look at authority figures expecting them to be angry and judgemental.
You may also not recognise when you are in an abusive relationship. In my earlier example of being beaten up and feeling it was my fault and feeling shame, I demonstrated a common issue that impacts on adult relationships. For many people caught up in abusive adult relationships it is that early learning that being abused is your fault that leads you to think that behaviour is your fault, not that it is wrong.
How To Recognise Past Trauma
A really effective way to recognise the trauma you have experienced in the past and to help identify it is to be able to create distance between you and the trauma. Some of treating trauma involves teaching you to be able to create some space between you and the thoughts, behaviours and emotions that have been generated as a response to the trauma and triggers of the trauma.
Alongside this is teaching you mindfulness. To be able to feel and observe what is in your body in a safe way.
Distance And Mindfulness Are Companions In Early Trauma Identification And Treatment.
Another aspect of healing is learning to identify the things that trigger the overwhelming memories of your trauma. This allows you to be aware of triggers and take steps to learn not to be overwhelmed by the memories.
Rita, who had a childhood involving severe and terrifying abuse learned to tolerate the physical sensations that sprang up with triggers. These sensations were overwhelming and difficult to cope with. As therapy progressed and she learned mindfulness, to be able to put the scary memories at a distance where she could observe them safely. She learned that avoiding those uncomfortable feelings makes them worse, not better. She learned to see the sensations as sensations that were in the present. But she was safe now and the trauma was no longer happening. With that understanding she was able to learn to calmly notice the sensations and not judge them. Over time she learned that the memories that popped up were of the past and did not constitute threats in her present life.
Severe Anxiety Is Often A Result Of Childhood Trauma
Bruce came to me for help with his severe anxiety.
In therapy he was able to identify that he had grown up in an abusive home environment as the oldest child. He had spent much of his childhood protecting his younger siblings from his father and trying to protect his mother. Like many children in this type of situation, he became parentified. He tried to become the parent as he saw himself as the one who was able to protect his mother and siblings from his father.
In adulthood he worried obsessively about everyone else. He was always concerned about things happening in his siblings’ lives. He worried about his mother. He worried about his wife. He worried about his children. He was constantly hypervigilant and looking for problems he needed to solve. He became overinvolved in his children’s lives and obsessed about things that could go wrong. It became so intrusive in his children’s lives that they cut off contact with him.
In counselling he was able to understand where his hypervigilance and anxiety came from and started learning to feel the sensations in his body and distance himself from the past fears. He practiced mindfulness daily and this allowed him to be use mindfulness when he began to get anxious. In time he learned to let go of his stranglehold on his family and allow them to experience their own difficulties on their own.
At his last session he demonstrated how calm he now felt, how he was able to put anxious thoughts about his family at arms length and process them as not his responsibility and separate them from his past trauma.
Past trauma memories were now memories, sad and scary, but in the past.
He was able to set healthy boundaries around himself and reestablished contact with his children who no longer felt overwhelmed at the intensity of his vigilance over them.
Triggers Are Not Always Bad Things
When working with your trauma it is important to remember that triggers are not always bad things. Nor is being triggered bad. Instead of running away from the feelings and triggers it is important to learn to sit still with those painful feelings.
The Boy In The Forest
There was a boy who wanted to walk through the forest to visit his grandmother. Every time he set out on the path he heard a strange wailing and saw a shadowy figure in this trees up ahead. In terror, he fled back to the safety of the meadow next to the forest.
Several times he tried to walk through the forest and every time he fled in terror at this shadowy figure that wailed strangely.
One day his father decided to come with him. When they heard the scary noise the father kept going. The boy was terrified but kept walking beside his father. They heard the strange wailing and the father didn’t even react. He just kept walking along the path.
Around the corner he could see the shadowy figure writing around his in the trees. His father reached up with his walking stick and caught the figure on the end of the stick, then pulled it towards him. To the boy’s surprise it was an old cloak stuck up in the trees. The wailing sound turned out to be the wind in the trees.
The boy had been avoiding the path because he was too scared to approach the object and see it for what it was. When you are unable to approach your memories you are like that boy. With a counsellor by your side it is possible to face the memories and see them for the past events that they are.
The Risks of Avoiding Your Memories
The risks of avoiding your memories are great. So many people use other things to bring relief. But they find it is only temporary. Numbing can be overeating, restricting food, working too much, excessively exercising, compulsive shopping, pornography, gambling, obsessing about other people, drugs or alcohol and many more. If it numbs you then you will probably try it.
These activities don’t heal the pain and they don’t remove it. They just mask it and the activity has to be done again and again, and you become used to the activity, so it has to be escalated in order to work.
This is why healing work through counselling is so important. In counselling you work to remove the need for numbing and avoiding activities. You can learn to sit with the memories and put them in the past where they belong and not see them as still being in your present.
Allow yourself time to heal, practise mindfulness daily so that you can use it in those triggered moments. Learn to feel into your body and to not be afraid. Learn to feel those emotions and body sensations without fear. Learn to set boundaries between what is now and what was then.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your traumatic memories, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
*please note that whenever I mention someone in my blogs I never use real names and change the circumstances to de-identify the person who has generously given permission for me to use their story in my blog.
Trauma in childhood can be very disruptive and cause many difficulties for you in adult life.
But
Experiencing childhood trauma does not necessarily result in mental illness in later childhood and adulthood.
What is trauma know to be associated with?
The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study in New Zealand tracked a cohort of children born in 1972 to 1973.
One of this study’s findings was that a form of a gene associated with serotonin transport in the brain appeared to increase an individual’s likelihood of experiencing depression when exposed to trauma.
This has supported the theory that our DNA, that way that DNA is expressed in the body, and our environment can impact on our mental health.
This would also help explain why some people exposed to trauma develop serious mental health problems whereas others manage well in life.
What Is Known?
Research has drawn strong links between trauma and addiction. This is in the way you manage difficulties in life.
Some people are able to “roll with the punches” and can regulate relatively quickly after a distressing event.
Others find it harder and may draw on outside actions, such as drinking alcohol or smoking, to regulate their emotions.
Many people report partaking of the addiction helps them to feel calm, or forget the terrifying experience, or feel less anxious and panicky.
Difficulties With Connecting To Others
What is also known is that experiences in your childhood impact on how you see the world and how you relate to other people.
If your early experiences were supporting and nurturing, you are more likely to see the world as a friendly and helpful place. You will also likely see others as trustworthy and safe to connect with.
But if your early experiences with others were abusive, unhelpful, and/or frightening you are more likely to see the world as unfriendly and not safe. You will also be more wary of others and may be more likely to perceive their behaviour as threatening than those who see others as trustworthy.
The person with positive experiences in childhood is more likely to readily feel comfortable with others while those with negative experiences are more likely to be wary of trusting others.
Brain Changes
What is known is that the brain of those exposed to trauma in childhood develops differently to those not exposed to trauma.
For example, areas of the brain responsible for observing non verbal communication are more developed in traumatised individuals. This is thought to give the child the advantage of being able to detect danger and act on it faster than for those with normal brain development.
In other words these changes increase the child’s chances of survival.
Other areas of the brain have been found to be smaller than for those not exposed to trauma. Some of those areas relate to the perception of “novelty”. In other words the ability to manage unexpected situations and strangers.
When To Seek Help
If you experienced trauma in childhood and are managing life well, then at this point in time you are unlikely to need help.
If you find that there are difficulties around things upsetting you, or difficulty calming down after a difficult event. If you find you feel overwhelmed often, your social life is difficult, others report behaviours they think are a problem, or you think there is a problem (even if you can’t quite put your finger on it).
If you find yourself putting up with bad behaviour from others, or you are a people pleaser, or you have trouble setting boundaries or saying no.
Then it is best to consult a counsellor.
There are occasions in life when everyone can get help from a counsellor, even if just for one or two sessions.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your difficulties in life, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
Research over many decades has shown that trauma in childhood has impacts that extend throughout childhood into adulthood. These impacts include poor mental health, substance abuse and addiction, as well as physical health impacts.
The Impact Of Trauma On Addiction
Extensive research has proven that people who experience trauma during childhood are more likely to be addicted to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs later in life.
What is trauma? Trauma as referred to in this blog is psychological harm to a person caused by experiences that are a significant threat to the individual or others close to them. Trauma can be emotional, physical, sexual abuse, an addicted parent, natural disasters and serious accidents.
What Is Addiction? What Does Trauma Have To Do With It?
Addiction can take many forms and cover a range of behaviours. For example, people who regularly consume alcohol may not be considered alcoholic, but their dependence on alcohol to feel more relaxed, less socially awkward or cope with stress reveals reliance on alcohol that fits the definition of addiction.
With the recent increase in vaping, including a dramatic increase in teens who vape, there has been a recognition of vaping as another concerning form of addiction.
Research looking at teens who vape has shown that the majority were exposed to trauma below the age of 12.
This is consistent with research looking at teens who drink alcohol, smoke tobacco or use other drugs.
The Dangers Of Physically Addictive Substances
Many substances people take are not physically addictive. This means that once the psychological need for the substance is attended to, the person can manage without the substance.
Other substances are physically addictive. This means that trying to stop using the substance will result in more difficult physical cravings as well as psychological ones. Nicotine is one of the most physically addictive substances people take.
Cigarettes and Vapes contain nicotine. Although vapes are by law banned from containing nicotine, around 99% of vapes confiscated in Australia have been found to contain nicotine.
It Can Take Many Attempts To Overcome Your Addiction To Nicotine
Nicotine is an extremely addictive substance that is physically addictive as well as psychologically addictive. It takes less nicotine for a teenager to be addicted than for an adult. Also their brains respond with stronger cravings when seeking to stop.
Anyone addicted to nicotine will struggle to quit. The strong physical cravings and the trauma that led to the addiction in the first place are strong barriers to quitting.
It can take many attempts to stop before the addict is able to stop.
The Importance Of Counselling In Overcoming Addiction
As an addict you will be better able to stop if you receive counselling support and nicotine replacement therapy.
The importance of counselling support is learning how to cope with feelings that have been self medicated, often for years, with alcohol, cigarettes and other substances.
Why Families And Social Environments Are Not Suitable Supports
Trauma most often occurs in the family and social environments. Many people start using substances as teenagers, modelling their behaviour on the coping behaviours of the adults in their lives.
Instead of learning healthy ways of dealing with the stress of the trauma, unhealthy ways are learned and passed down through the generations.
Self-Medicating and Brain Development
Using these addictive substances is known as self-medicating. You have a drink and feel calmer, you smoke or vape and feel you can manage things better and so on.
All of these addictive substances physically damage the body, as well as causing harm to the brain.
Neuroscientists studying the impacts of this self-medicating report that it causes damage to the developing brain of teenagers and results in the brain not developing properly. This is more damaging than damage to existing brain structures as occurs in adulthood because it prevents part of the brain developing.
So it is important to stop
Why The Ideal Supports Are Not Ideal
Ideally, stopping using an addictive substance would involve support from family and friends. For many people this support will not happen because this is the source of their trauma and learned unhealthy coping behaviours.
For this reason, counselling support is essential so that you can process and heal from the trauma and learn healthy coping strategies to replace the addictive substance.
There is also a possibility that if you stop your addiction to a substance without treating the underlying trauma that has caused it, you may switch to another substance of addiction.
Trauma, Stress and Addiction
It is also known that trauma has an impact on the development of the brain. Trauma can result in brain changes that lead to greater impulsivity and risk taking behaviour. This doesn’t apply to everyone who has encountered trauma, but is frequently seen.
Far more common is the impact trauma has on the brain’s ability to manage stress. Someone with a trauma history is more likely to be more reactive to stress and less able to cope with it.
If you add the damage to the brain by addiction to the damage caused by trauma then it is really problematic for you.
It is possible to learn how to manage stress, but for this you need a qualified counsellor.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your problem drinking or smoking/vaping, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
For many years it has been recognised that children cope better with traumatic situations if their parents are able to manage well with the situation and are able to maintain a reasonably stable environment for them.
This is why after disasters there is a push for all people, but especially children, to get back to a routine as soon as possible.
We Are All At Risk When Our Routines Are Disrupted
It is easy when we are safe in our homes with access to food, water, shelter, medical care and support networks to be unaware of the impact of losing all that.
But when you have to leave your home, or it is destroyed, all that changes.
Health, both physical and mental, breaks down very quickly when you no longer are able to protect yourself from the impacts of weather, when you cannot find food or have no water.
Children Are More Vulnerable
For the child in this situation there is more vulnerability.
It is very common for families to become separated, and to face life threatening conditions in these situations.
Even after the child is able to find alternative housing, the mental health impacts continue.
Sub heading What Does This Have To Do With Me?
It is important that you, as a member of the Australian community, are aware of the needs of others in the community.
Untreated trauma impacts on the entire community.
• It impacts on the growing child’s ability to live a productive life.
• It impacts on their behaviour and can lead to anti social behaviour.
All Children Can Be Impacted by Trauma
Children impacted by Domestic Violence, especially those who have to flee dangerous situations and have to remain on high alert as the Justice and Family Law systems fail to protect them adequately from a dangerous family member, are exposed to serious trauma.
Children impacted by large scale natural disasters such as bushfires, cyclones and flooding are also exposed to a level of trauma.
What Trauma Challenges Do Children Face?
• Loss and separation: Children lose their homes, the safe framework of their lives initially. They can be exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, loss of family members, loss of friends, loss of familiar faces, loss of community.
• Uncertainty and instability: The familiar structure of their home and community is lost. Everything familiar has been disrupted or is gone. Prior to this the child has been able to feel secure in the reliability of routines and activities. Things they may have been able to do before, such as explore their world and play in the park or with friends, are no longer possible to do. Boundaries and routines give children security and a feeling of safety. When they are disrupted, children don’t feel safe. In these situations parents remaining calm can help children feel safer. Things may not be the same but parents are still a reassuring presence that the child feels can keep them safe.
• Financial and Social Coping: Families who have had to leave their homes often struggle financially. It is hard for parents to meet the needs of the family. This leads to Parents struggling with self-regulation in very stressful situations.
Children often feel they must share responsibility for supporting the family. Parents who struggle may not realise this is happening. Children who feel responsible in this way can become overwhelmed and feel very disempowered.
Short Term Effects of Trauma on Children
Intense anxiety, sadness, difficulty sleeping and disorientation is most commonly experienced by children in these situations.
Starting at a new school is difficult.
When the children have to move frequently, as can be the case with Domestic Violence, there is the stress of having to start new schools frequently. Academically it can be hard to keep up with the year group. This can lead to diminished self worth.
Long Term Effects of Trauma on Children
Intense anxiety can over time give way to chronic anxiety. Depression is also likely. Trust and attachment are major casualties of this type of trauma and children can continue to struggle with this.
Forming a stable identity is impacted by repeated moves.
Children will often feel they don’t belong anywhere and feel different and alienated from those around them.
What Can The Family Do To Support Children and Each Other?
A healthy family structure with at least one safe adult is a vital asset for traumatised children.
• Stability and routine: Family is part of the safe structure of a child’s life. Good family routines create a safer, more predictable environment. Children feel more secure and safe.
• Emotional support: Healthy families support each other. Children know where they can go to for support and reassurance.
• Modelling Coping Strategies: As mentioned earlier, when parents are able to model good coping strategies and provide a sense of routine, children feel safer. They also learn healthy ways to cope with difficult situations.
Helping Your Child
Get mental health help early. For you and your child.
Be aware of the long term effects of trauma. There will likely be a need to seek mental health help later as well.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you and your children to process the trauma, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: https://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
Trauma is something that seriously impacts you to the point that when in the traumatic situation you were worried about your safety, that of others or those around you. You may even experience potential loss of life or potential severe injury. These events permanently alter your perception of safety.
Trauma can be any disturbing experience. The trauma aspect is that you experience significant fear, feelings of helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings that are intense enough to continue over a period of time to have a negative impact on your attitudes, behaviour and other aspects of normal functioning.
When you feel you are in, or about to go into a, threatening situation you develop intense feelings of fear and anger. Other indicators that you are experiencing a perceived threat include shifts in attention, shifts in perception and changes in emotion. These feelings are caused by your brain going into a “fight or flight response.”
How Trauma Shows Up For You
Trauma can manifest itself in various ways. Some people can experience depression and intense sadness. Others may feel helpless and powerless.
One of the most common impacts of trauma is hypervigilance. This is where you constantly scan your surroundings, communications with other people, even interactions out of the home for potential threats to your safety.
Hypervigilance is part of your fight or flight response. This constant scanning for danger.
When you are in a hypervigilant state you will be anxious and may experience sweating and elevated heart rate.
Intense Sadness
It is very common to experience intense sadness and disconnection after a traumatic event.
The event has challenged your sense of safety and often you feared harm or even death as the outcome.
Not surprisingly it can feel very unreal and disconnected after such an event. You have lost a sense of safety in your life and this is a loss that you need to adjust you.
Any loss is something to grieve. As I relate in my blogs on grief. That carries a lot of adjustments and takes time to incorporate the event into your future life.
Allow yourself time to experience that sadness. Allow all the feelings associated with that to be experienced.
If you are having trouble coping with those feelings, an appointment with a trauma trained counsellor is a good idea.
Hypervigilance.
When you have experienced a traumatic event you are going to be primed to watch out for a similar event. That is totally normal. It is how your brain works to protect you.
Having lost a sense of safety and trust in the safeness of your world, your brain is going to be working hard to ensure your safety.
This means constantly being on the lookout for danger.
You may well find yourself preoccupied with searching for safety when you need to attend to something or someone else.
A great example is my daughter’s dog. She is quite nervy. When she sees a threat (usually a larger dog) she freezes. She won’t even accept treats until the danger is passed. She loves treats so that shows how strong the fight flight response is. All focus is on safety and being ready to run or fight. There is no space in that response for eating or normal conversation.
Someone who is constantly hypervigilant finds it very hard focusing on their work and getting things done.
Helplessness
Many people feel they have no control over what happens to them.
When trauma is experienced in childhood that child is very disempowered and develops learned helplessness. Many people never grow out of that learned helplessness as they grow into adulthood.
One of the biggest tasks in treating trauma is to empower you to be able to develop a sense of being able to solve issues in life.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your trauma healing, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz
