{"id":205,"date":"2019-10-21T01:22:47","date_gmt":"2019-10-21T01:22:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/?p=205"},"modified":"2019-11-07T02:02:07","modified_gmt":"2019-11-07T02:02:07","slug":"feeling-it-is-disloyal-to-move-on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/feeling-it-is-disloyal-to-move-on\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling it is disloyal to move on"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Feeling it is disloyal to move on<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I often see men and women grieving the loss of their long\nterm partner. By long term I am talking several decades. Several decades in\nwhich the two of them have raised a family and are now at the stage in their\nlives where they are looking forward to a future with the two of them growing\nold together. Except it doesn\u2019t happen. That much cherished partner, the other\nhalf of you, dies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Losing half of yourself is hard. Unbelievably hard. Not only\nare you having to relearn who you are, you are having to live each day without\nthe person you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For all, that is a challenge. For some, it feels disloyal.\nYears after the loss they are resisting moving on. It feels disloyal to live\nwhen the other half of you has died. Maybe they were still relatively young.\nMaybe it seems so unfair they died when there was so much living to do. Maybe\nyou carry guilt feeling you should have tried harder to keep them alive, you\nshould have said goodbye with more passion that day they left the house for\nwork, never to come home again. Maybe you feel they deserved to live longer.\nWhatever the reason, you are left with the feeling that it is disloyal to keep\nliving. Disloyal to enjoy life despite their absence. Every grandchild feels\nlike a betrayal because that other half of you would have loved grandchildren.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is hard. There are plenty of pat responses. The classic\none is \u201chow would they have wanted you to live?\u201d. That isn\u2019t a bad question,\nbut it is not overly helpful when you feel this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The important thing to know is that a lot of surviving partners\nfeel this way. One thing that people find helpful is to be able to find a place\nfor their grief. By finding a place I mean find some meaning for what has been\nlost. That meaning is different for different people. Some find it through connecting\nwith others who knew and loved their partner. Others find it by accepting a\nbelief about what happens to those who die. Others reach out to help other people.\nSome just learn to accept what is and decide punishing themselves for living,\nwhile their partner is dead, is not going to bring them back. They give\nthemselves permission to enjoy life and realise there are moments they can\nenjoy.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever you decide. It is okay to have those bad days and\nit is okay to have days where you feel happy. And neither of those days is disloyal\nto the person you have loved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I often see men and women grieving the loss of their long term partner. By long term I am talking several decades. Several decades in which the two of them have raised a family and are now at the stage in their lives where they are looking forward to a future with the two of … Continue reading Feeling it is disloyal to move on<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=205"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions\/232"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=205"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plentifullifecounselling.com.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}