If you are grieving, you know that there is no magic bullet to make you feel better. You want the world to stop but sadly it doesn’t. Sooner or later you have to get out there in the world and live, even when you just want to sit in your grief and never emerge.
In this blackness of grief it can seem unbelievable that you may one day experience happiness, even joy. Every aspect of your life is impacted by the overwhelming nature of grief and life seems to be muted, shrouded in darkness.
REMAIN CONNECTED IN SOME WAY TO LIFE
The one thing you need to do is to not lock yourself away from the world forever. Yes, you may have days where you just want to be alone with your grief, but don’t make it every day. Hard as it may seem, you are not alone and there are other people out there who are grieving too and can maybe offer understanding.
Never forget that we all suffer loss. Sometimes it is the loss of a loved one, other times it is a relationship, job, house, country, possession, body part and so on. It may seem you are the only one, but there will be others out there too.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GRIEVE
Your grief is real and you have every right to grieve. Grief is a natural process that people have been experiencing as long as there have been people in this world.
I was reading a book by Donald Altman, a psychotherapist and expert in mindfulness. In this book he spoke about the way grief changes us. He describes grief as being a growth experience that opens new ways for us to understand grief.
AN EXERCISE TO TRY
He suggested a reflection exercise as a way to work with your grief.
This involves contemplating some questions. This can be on a daily basis or every other day, whenever you feel works for you.
To do this exercise you need to find somewhere peaceful and comforting. Somewhere you won’t be disturbed.
Decide how long you will spend on the exercise. That may be 15 minutes, 20 minutes, half an hour or longer.
As you sit in this place set the intention to be:
compassionate to yourself,
open to what may come and
curious about what you may discover.
This exercise may give you insights or it may just open the way for you to start healing and learning to live with your loss.
As you contemplate the questions, consciously breathe in peace and compassion for yourself.
Read each question and contemplate it before moving on to the next question. You may find you are only able to contemplate 1 or 2 questions each practice. That is fine. Work through them, repeat them, do whatever you need to as you seek answers.
Below are the questions:
• How is my grief like a love letter for my beloved?
• What is my “love letter” saying to my beloved?
• How has grief changed me?
• How can my grief serve to enrich my appreciation for the precious, impermanent things of life?
• What does this grief teach me about loving myself?
• How does grief make my heart more tender and open to all others who have also lost someone?
To finish off these questions remember you need to embrace life. Grief also reminds you what it means to love. When you love, then you live fully.
DO YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief journey, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz