I often have people come to see me because they want to stop grieving. Maybe you are feeling this way too?
You want to stop crying and needing to excuse yourself when ceremonies unleash sadness.
You want to feel okay in the new home you raced to buy after fleeing the old home and all its reminders. And you thought that if you had strangers come and stay here you would feel less alone. But the presence of strangers only makes it worse.
You want to feel okay that your loved one is missing out on the first grandchild, or their sister’s wedding, or graduating with their friends, or enjoying retirement.
You want to stop feeling guilty that you are still alive and the person you love is not.
You want to run and run and run until you can’t feel that grief anymore.
But you stop and realise grief is still there.
You stop and realise the guilt at being alive is still there.
You stop and realise life is continuing and your loved one is missing out. Will always miss out.
You stop and realise removing the physical reminders of your loved one doesn’t remove the emotional reminders.
And that realisation is so hard.
Seeking to remove the pain
So you come to see me to remove that pain.
But no one can remove it.
It hurts. It hurts so much.
It is painful, searing, heart rending.
You can think the day is going well and then, just as the wind changes, suddenly you are experiencing the raw bleakness of grief.
You can realise you haven’t thought about the one you love while absorbed in doing something. And it hurts.
You want to forget but you don’t want to forget.
You want people to stop asking you about your loved one, but you don’t want them to stop asking.
You don’t want people to acknowledge your grief, but you do want them to.
You are a leaf blown around by the wind. In free fall. You have no control over where your emotions go.
Looking for the calm place
Sometimes it is nice to talk to someone more objective. Someone who didn’t know your loved one. Someone who has no investment in the life of your loved one. Someone who isn’t grieving too. Someone who will just listen. Who understands your pain and reassures you that you are not mad or defective for still feeling that pain. Someone who can help you navigate this barren, tortured terrain.
This is when a grief counsellor can help. There is no magic wand. The grief is still there and will always be there. But you will find a listening ear, a safe place to share and support to find your way to continue living.
I can help
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz