You had a childhood much like others seemed to have. Maybe you were bullied. Maybe your father was impossible to please. Maybe you always seemed to be the one singled out when someone needed blaming for things that went wrong. Maybe you never felt understood.
There was nothing obvious about your childhood.
But you have grown up and there are people you find yourself unable to set boundaries with and you don’t understand why.
Here are some of the people you may be struggling with.
The manipulator
You know the one. Ultra friendly but they always talk talked negatively about another person you barely know. They may say one things in this relentless narrative that is true, so that must mean everything else they say is true as well, right?
So you believe her and avoid the person she is targeting. Maybe you tell others about what a horrible person they are.
Then you discover the woman was telling you lies. You discover the other person is actually a lovely person who hasn’t done anything they’ve been accused of doing.
You feel so ashamed.
You still feel ashamed at how easily you believed the lies.
It reminds you that you have lived your life believing lies told to you by other people.
Your mother telling you that you were useless.
The bullies at school.
The bullies in adulthood.
You feel so ashamed at your fawning behaviour.
But this behaviour was how you learned to survive as a child.
Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time.
The power grabber
You are with a friend. She is a very dominating person and she wants both of you to do something you are not comfortable with. You don’t feel confident enough to say no. You go along with what she has said. You are not happy with what you have done.
You feel ashamed.
You gave away your power and did not stand up for your values.
As a child other people could do things, but not you.
You learned that you had no power and no right to say no.
Forgive yourself for giving away your power.
Going along with the bullying
You are at work and a workmate is being bullied. You have the opportunity to defend them, but you are afraid, so you remain quiet and say nothing.
Later the workmate is diagnosed with a trauma related condition due to the bullying.
You feel ashamed and weak for not supporting the person.
Forgive yourself for past behaviours.
What you do to survive
You learned in your childhood how to survive.
You learned behaviours such as:
• Fawning
• Going along with the bullies
• Not defending your friends
• Sacrificing your values and participating in behaviour you felt was wrong
• Not setting boundaries
Those behaviours helped you to survive.
Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring the difficult and unfair moments of childhood.
Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be to survive.
Do these behaviours trouble you?
Do you want to change them?
I am trained in working with these behaviours.
I know how to help you break the patterns of the past.
I am committed to walking alongside you as you learn new, more fulfilling ways of being.
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you feel stronger, set boundaries and feel better about yourself, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz