In my work I often talk with people about gratitude.
The idea of gratitude is not always well received.
There are a lot of wrong ideas about gratitude.
Maybe you hold those wrong ideas too? I used to.
GRATITUDE IS NOT ABOUT IGNORING THE BAD THINGS
Do you think gratitude is all about being ultra-positive? About ignoring the bad things in life? Much like Pollyanna in the books?
Do you think expressing gratitude means you have to be thankful for the awful things that happen in life? (As if you could).
That is not what gratitude is.
WHAT IS GRATITUDE, REALLY?
Gratitude means you sit with what has happened in your day. In all the stresses and disappointments.
It means you acknowledge the bad things.
It means you acknowledge “that hurts”.
It means you honour the things that happen to you. You don’t push the bad things away. You sit with them and allow them to be. You allow yourself to feel the pain and disappointment. You allow yourself to hold and integrate the pain.
HEALING THE PAIN
Did you know that allowing yourself to feel emotional pain. To feel the pain without fighting it. That once you feel that pain you can actually heal it.
That is not going to happen in a few seconds. It takes time for hurt to heal. As long as you are hurt, you are in pain. Allowing the hurt to take its time to heal will heal it faster. It will allow the pain to resolve sooner too.
It is possible to be hurt and learn to live with it, no longer being bound in the pain of the hurt.
HEALING THE PAIN OF THE PAST
You can do the same thing with things that have hurt you in the past. Those hurts you shoved down and tried to ignore. It is always possible to heal.
Hurt binds you. The pain traps you into patterns of behaviour designed to protect you. But allowing the hurt to be experienced and the pain to resolve will help.
BE CURIOUS
Be curious about the hurts you feel. Don’t run from them. Don’t fight them. Give them your caring love and attention. Just as you would sit with a friend who is hurting, do the same for yourself.
As you visit those hurts, allow yourself to feel the pain. Allow yourself to be curious. Breathe into the hurt, just as you may have learned to breathe into physical pain to relieve it. Breathe calmly. Don’t turn or run away. There is nothing to fear in old hurts.
LEARN TO HOLD YOURSELF WITH LOVE
Sometimes it can be helpful to see a counsellor who can help you hold the space while you heal. You can learn to hold yourself lovingly and with compassion. You can learn to give love to the parts of you that are hurting.
When those hurts are no longer binding you into protective behaviours you make room to be the real you. To experience all the wonder and joy of life.
To feel better able to express gratitude.
WHAT ABOUT GRATITUDE?
And as for gratitude. Don’t ignore the bad things that happen. Maybe you ended a relationship but found a friend who comforted you. Be grateful for the friend who cared enough to offer comfort.
Maybe your car broke down, and you were running late for an appointment. But the roadside assistance came in the form of a man who acknowledged how hard this was for you. You can be grateful that he wasn’t rude and he was helpful and caring. That is something to be grateful for.
Maybe in all the stresses and worries of the day, in all the worries about finances, relationships, and work, you looked up and noticed the most spectacular clouds in the sky. And for a moment you stopped and admired their beauty. Be grateful for that.
GRATITUDE MEANS FINDING THOSE SMALL GEMS OF GOOD AMONGST THE BAD
Being grateful doesn’t mean you ignore the bad things. It is always a good idea when express gratitude to also express why. If you are stressed about life and see the clouds in the sky. You can be grateful that despite your worries there is still beauty.
If you are grateful for the caring mechanic who helped you when your car was broken down. Be grateful that in the midst of a stressful situation someone was helpful and caring.
Bad things happen and they hurt. But there is always something to be grateful for, no matter how insignificant. It is how you maintain hope in the bleakest circumstances.
DO YOU NEED HELP?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with healing from life’s hurts and learning to express gratitude, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz