You have recently lost someone you loved so much.
Your grief at their loss is like nothing you have ever experienced in your life.
Your friends, colleagues, the internet, the media, people around you are all sending you mixed messages about how you can cope most effectively and about what you should or shouldn’t be feeling and doing.
There is the suggestion to just get over it, that you should be better by now, that you obviously are depressed and need an anti-depressant, that you should go to a support group, that you should see a counsellor.
Or there are the countless stories about the grief experience of those who talk to you.
THIS IS OVERWHELMING
Your head is reeling.
Will any of these suggestions actually help?
Are you really depressed or just grieving?
Maybe you want to go through this on your own. Maybe you want to experience the pain and not numb it by taking anti-depressants.
Maybe you don’t want to know about other people’s grief. You are grieving. Your world is in total disarray. The stories of others don’t help. Instead they leave you feeling overwhelmed and sometime frustrated.
YOUR GRIEF IS YOURS ALONE
The reality is grief is as individual as the number of people who are grieving. Your grief is yours alone. No one else will grieve like you. What helps one person may not help you.
You can’t rush this natural and healthy process and you can’t make the pain go away. In time you will heal and your grief will feel less intense.
SEEING A GRIEF COUNSELLOR
Seeing a grief counsellor like me can help you.
I won’t wave a magic wand and make it instantly better. But I can help you to steer your grief in a healthy direction.
REACHING OUT FOR HELP
Strong people know to reach out for help, to not be isolated. Grief isolates you and reaching out is actually a positive thing to do.
The emotions and physical symptoms you are feeling and are yet to feel will be confusing. There will be times when you feel you are going mad.
HOW I CAN HELP
I can help you realise what is normal and help you to make sense of the weird array of symptoms you are experiencing.
I can help equip you with the helpful skills to cope with all those overwhelming negative emotions.
In this time of your life you are at a greater risk of adopting unhealthy coping skills. These include:
• Avoidance
• Withdrawal.
• Drinking
• Substance use
• Over eating
• Addictive behaviours such as gambling, compulsive shopping and so on.
I can assess your coping skills and help you change the unhelpful ones and develop the helpful ones.
WHAT YOU MAY BE EXPERIENCING
Death is incredibly destabilising. Your sense of self is shattered. You no longer trust the safety of your world. Things that once seemed important now don’t matter to you at all.
You will most likely find your sleep is disturbed. You will either not be able to sleep or will sleep too much.
You may find yourself not eating or eating too much of the wrong thing.
It may be hard to look after yourself with getting enough sleep, eating well and being physically active. It may sound weird, but keeping yourself physically active will help your emotional healing.
Counselling can help you with your sense of self, learning to trust the world again. It can also help you with learning how to sleep better, how to eat well and how to find the motivation to be physically active.
CAN I HELP?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz