I have written a lot about the experience of grief. About the spinning out of control feeling, especially in the early days of grief.
I have already written a lot about the juggling of grief and living you have to do.
And I have written about finding meaning in that grief.
One thing I haven’t written about is the choices you have.
The Choices in Grief
This is not something to be doing in that acute phase when your body is still in fight, flight or freeze. This is something for later when you feel more in control of your brain.
This choice is about choosing how you are going to react to your grief.
The Choices
When bad things, such as grief, happen you protest. Not surprising. I don’t know of anyone who happily accepts awful things happening. Most people are shocked, devastated, and confused.
At the point of being able to gain control of your brain and make choices you will have two choices to make.
The Protest: Pushing Back
You can continue protesting, in other words push back against the pain.
“No.”
“It shouldn’t be happening.”
“I don’t want this.”
“I want things to be normal again.”
“I hate this.”
And so on.
Transform: Pulling Towards
Or you can consider what your needs are in this situation.
You can acknowledge your thoughts, feelings and sensations.
You can surrender to them and accept the pull towards feeling the experience of your grief. Through this decision you can transform the situation and proceed with your life.
It is not easy to do, but it is possible.
A Constant Series of Choices
You will find that on any given day you will have numerous occasions when you need to make that choice. It is not a one off, but a constant series of choices.
In a way, making the choice over every step of the way is easier than trying to make the choice over the entire process.
It does require a lot of effort, hence the exhaustion many people experience in grief. Sometimes you may protest and push back instead. Other times you will pull towards and transform your experience.
There will be times when you will need the support of others who will allow you to be with your experience and make your choices without pressure.
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with pushing back and pulling forward, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here:
http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz