Financial Stress

There is stigma around Financial Issues.

For more years than I want to remember my little family struggled financially. There were many times when one of my children was sick and I had to raid moneyboxes and search through pockets to find the money to pay the gap fee from the doctor. And when it came to affording medicines! Well sometimes I couldn’t.

I became very creative at making meals out of few ingredients. I don’t think my children were ever aware of how much we struggled financially.

It is stressful to wonder where the money for the next meal, rent or home loan payment will come from. Stressful to have a sick child or be sick yourself and not have the money to pay the gap fee at the doctor or to pay for any medicines prescribed. It is stressful worrying about major issues that may arise where you need to find the money to pay for them. Even a flat tyre can push you over the edge financially.

Being judged by others as “not being good with money” or “wasting your money” is really hard. Especially when you are actually being very good at managing your money, there just isn’t enough of it.

Talking about your problems often allows you to receive empathy and understanding from friends. Being understood rather than judged won’t solve your problems, but it will make them easier to bear. Your friend is probably not going to be able to solve your problems but their understanding and support is really beneficial.

Others can help in different ways:

• Sometimes other people may know of places you can get help with food and urgent needs.

• Many people have found that talking to someone about your problems often allows you to discover solutions to your problem.

How Do I Know There Is Financial Stress?

You may notice signs of your stress or you may notice them in others.

Emotionally you may notice:

• Increased anxiety

• Mood swings

• Irritability

• Depression

• Feeling overwhelmed or helpless.

Physically you may notice:

• Headaches

• Muscle tension

• Gastrointestinal issues

• Chronically fatigued

Behaviourally you may notice:

• Changes in spending habits, such as excessive frugality or impulsive spending

• Avoidance of social activities due to costs

• Neglecting personal relationships

• Decline in work performance

• Reluctance to answer the door, check mail or answer the telephone due to fear of bills and debt collectors.

If I Think A Friend Is Experiencing Financial Stress How Do I Help Them?

Remember it is usual for people to keep financial issues private and there is a lot of shame around struggling financially. Keeping this to yourself is isolating and disempowering.

If you think a friend needs support remember that you approach them with empathy and make sure you don’t judge them.

Let them know you understand how difficult this all is.

Choose your time to talk. You need to find somewhere that is private and relaxed.

It is best to not assume you know what the problem is. Maybe you can notice they have seemed a bit stressed lately and you just wanted to check in. What’s going on for them? Is there anything they would like to talk about?

If your friend says no, then respect that. Let them know you are there if they need to talk and leave it at that.

If your friend talks, listen with the aim of hearing what they are saying. Remember you are not here to problem solve, just listen and support. Every so often it is helpful to summarise what they are saying to check in you are understanding them okay. This also shows you are listening.

Remember that their voice should be heard more than yours.

Remember to acknowledge that financial stress is a common issue and it is normal and perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed.

Respect their boundaries. Don’t push for information they are not willing to give.

Reassure seeking help is what strong people do.

If you are able to offer practical support, such as assistance with working out a budget and how to approach debtors to work out payment plans, then offer this support. Respect their response – they may say no.

Referral Agencies

Encourage them to see a financial counsellor for their finances. The National Debt Helpline can offer free and confidential advice. The MoneySmart website is run by ASIC and offers advice and tools for managing money and dealing with debt.

If your friend is working their Employee Assistance Program may be a source of a small number of counselling sessions.

Community Organisations such as The Salvation Army and St Vincent de Paul offer many programs and can on occasion offer emergency financial aid.

Beyond Blue and Lifeline Australia can provide counselling and mental health support.

It is also important to assist your friend to approach Centrelink to see if they can get help there. Support them around this as they may not be able to get support.

If they need support with managing their stress they may benefit from seeing a counsellor. You may be able to help them find someone who can help them.

Remember that it is vital to offer emotional support regularly and to check in on how they are.

Retirement

Many people find their job defines who they are and gives them their life purpose. Retirement ends this.

One of the challenges with retirement is finding a purpose in life that doesn’t stretch you financially.

Many people find they are invisible once they retire. As they get older friends die and the circle of friends reduces. They are also cut off from the people they once worked with. This means the world becomes a lot smaller and often lonelier.

Some people plan to retire and they often do better. Others have retirement decisions made for them. That often means financially they are not ready to retire.

Finding people to listen to you is important.

Financial Stress in Retirement

These days many people retire with more debt than previous generations. This can make it harder to manage.

It is even harder if you are trying to manage on an aged pension.

Whether you have some superannuation or rely on the aged pension, you are going to need help with financial planning. The resources listed above under Financial Stress are useful ones to turn to for financial planning in your retirement.

Supporting Retirees

Not everyone who retires planned their retirement or is happy with their retirement.

No matter whether it was planned or not, retirement is a massive transition.

The pandemic caused a lot of people to retire earlier than they planned. This has meant that they were not ready emotionally or financially for retirement. That makes the transition even harder.

Lost life purpose is more likely to happen when retirement is unplanned.

Asking people how they are managing retirement can be helpful. Don’t drop contact with someone because they are retired, they are likely to need your support more than ever and may appreciate your care.

Retirement Is A Loss And That Means Grief

It is helpful to remember that retirement involves grieving for the life that has gone. Even if you are happy to have retired, there are still losses and changes that must be adjusted to.

Be patient. Allow time to adjust. Expect there to be days when you feel sad and even depressed.

Seek help from others. See a counsellor. Don’t pretend everything is wonderful if it isn’t.

If you are supporting someone who is retired, be willing to listen. Remember, the person you are seeking to support just wants to be heard, not problem solved.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you to feel okay, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz