In the Movie “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” one of the characters, Evelyn, has lost her husband. One of the biggest issues for her becomes trying to attend to the telephone account. It is in her husband’s name. She fights over many harrowing phone calls with the unempathic call centre staff. Eventually, to settle the debts she discovered her husband had, she sells their house in England and moves to the Marigold Hotel in India. There she visits the call centre for her telephone provider and gives them a stern lecture about how to treat widows struggling to complete their paperwork in the wake of their husband’s death.
It was a strong illustration of the difficulties you can face when your partner dies. And a satisfying ending for Evelyn.
The Bureaucracy of Modern Life
So much of modern life is tied up in bureaucracy. Where might your partner have an interest that has to be attended to? Home loan, house deeds, council rates, water rates, electricity, superannuation, employer, car, personal loans, telephone account, internet, passwords on computer, phone, other digital devices, access to bank accounts. That is just the start of the list. Where is their will? Do you have access to it? And what about the death certificate?
Losing your partner is devastating. The paperwork afterwards is traumatising.
Not Everyone Will Care That You Are Grieving
You will need so many documents, foremost being the death certificate, sighted and copies signed by a JP. Hope that you get a compassionate one.
You will have to go places with people who don’t care that your partner has died, that you are devastated, that every ounce of strength has been required to get into this place. All they will want is to follow the guidelines and sight documents.
Expect to be brought to tears numerous times.
Expect to struggle to fill in countless forms that don’t make sense, or require obscure information you don’t know where to locate.
Seek Help Where You Can
Draw on as much help as you can. Give yourself regular breaks from filling in all that paperwork.
If friends offer help, accept it. Especially when it comes to filling out those forms or working out how to access that laptop!
Don’t be frightened to seek counselling help to cope with your grief and the stress of filling in those forms.
Below are some resources you can turn to for information on how to fill in all those forms. There are many more. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/support-services-when-adult-dies
https://www.health.qld.gov.au/grief-and-bereavement-services
https://www.grief.org.au
Can I Help?
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief and stress, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz