Grace, An Unspoken Part Of Healing After Grief.

The concept of grace was discussed by a bereaved mother recently. She described the healing from grief as reaching a point of grace.

She contended that grief and grace cannot be rushed, but so many try to rush the unfolding of grief and try to rush others.

She spoke of people in her church trying to rush her through her grief.

They told her God had a plan and wanted her to buy into that story.

They told her that her child was in a better place and wanted her to buy into that story.

Not surprisingly she was devastated. Her life was shattered. She felt isolated in her grief.

Her well-meaning friends and church community isolated her further. She resented their efforts to make her grief neat and rapid.

She wasn’t ready to consider those stories, or any others that people presented to her.

She just wanted to sit in her grief. To experience it. To allow it to devastate her and to heal her. She wanted to become familiar with its landscape and be unafraid to walk away from it and return when she needed to.

For her grace is the point in grief where she was able to be comfortable with her son’s death. Not like the fact he died but no longer hurt as much, to feel a sense of acceptance that this had happened.

She described reaching that point as graced acceptance.

In the process of reaching that point she joined other communities who had more understanding of death and didn’t feel threatened by the devastation and desolation of death.

She found sharing her grief with others was healing. The act of intentionally stepping aside to be with those grief groups was a wonderful antidote to the desolation she was experiencing.

In these groups the talk was more about how to look after herself than justifying his death.

Back in the real-world people were still pressuring her to rush that healing, to rush finding that point of grace. She was exhorted to rush reaching the point of acceptance. But she was not ready.

What she found as time went on is that acceptance comes when it is ready. You cannot rush reaching that point. If you try to all you do is suppress the pain.

Pain needs to be journeyed with, felt, and learned to live with.

That is where grace comes in. To reach that point of being comfortable with the new landscape.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz

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