I see a lot of people who are tired of grieving. They just want to stop hurting.

Over time, the pain settles a little. You still have moments of pain so deep you feel thrown back into the pain of your early grief. But there are also moments where the pain has become a dull ache.

Your Pain Honours The One You Lost

Hurting over someone’s death is hard. As time goes on experiencing that hurt again is never easy.

I often ask people to look at the pain from a different perspective. What if you looked at the positives of that pain?

The consensus here is that people come to see the pain as a “good ache”. It is that pain that leaves you feeling sad but proves you haven’t forgotten the person you loved.

Most people I see are afraid they will forget the person they loved.

This doesn’t mean you should deliberately hold onto the pain. Let it heal, you will feel it when it comes. And it will come.

A Personal Story

Mother’s Day can be a hard time for those who have lost their mother.

My mother died 2 days after Mother’s Day.

That was 21 years ago.

I was on the other side of the world from my children, so I lost Mother’s Day for myself that year.

Every year since my mother died I have found Mother’s Day painful.

This year it was particularly bad. Then I realised that was because the date of Mother’s Day was the same date as the year my mother died. That means the day she died is the same day of the week also.

It floored me to realise that after all these years I could still experience the pain of grief, even when I wasn’t consciously aware of the days and dates matching that year.

Honouring Your Pain

My mother and I didn’t have a good relationship, but the pain of her death is still there. And it is still there 21 years after her death.

So when the pain of your loved one’s death surfaces, honour it. The pain means you haven’t forgotten.

It also means you have survived your grief and learned to live a new life with it.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz