Heartbreak Underlies Grief

Having been on my own grief journey many times, and listened to many people on their grief journeys, one thing that strikes me is the heartbreak of losing someone you love.

The loss may be due to death, a broken relationship, having to move somewhere new, losing a treasured object or any other event that results in loss.

I have always been aware of how little people know about grief and how unhelpful those people can be when you are grieving. But it was only when hearing Canadian writer Zoe Whittall be interviewed about a poetic memoir she wrote that the realisation dawned on me that one of the big issues is heartbreak.

Zoe feels in our Western culture there is a practice of not admitting the depth of loss for the individual. Loss is life changing and it can impact many years of your life.

She described that loss as not something that people relate in cold, hard facts but something related in deeply emotional experiences and feelings.

I pondered that for some time after hearing the interview. I realised she was right. The biggest thing for me with all the deaths and other losses I had mourned was the broken heart I was left trying to mend.

In our deeply analytical culture, with an emphasis on evidence based mental health, the acknowledgement of the depth of emotion involved in grief is often brushed aside.

Instead grief is pathologised and people who grieve for “too long” are considered to be mentally unwell. The reality is they are mending a broken heart and learning how to live again. And they are doing really well.

Sadly people feel uncomfortable when confronted with the heartbroken grief of another person. When people are uncomfortable their instinct is to shut the other person down. Hence the heartbroken are unsupported.

When putting her book together Zoe’s editor told her that “Heartache is a universal experience.”

That is so true. If you are heartbroken and grieving, draw comfort from the fact that others are heartbroken too. If you can, seek out those people so that you can feel safe to share your heartbreak, to feel heard.

• And if you are worried that maybe there is something wrong with you.

• Or you feel overwhelmed by the people around you telling you that you should be over it by now.

• Or if you can’t find others to share with and you need to be heard …

… then seeking grief counselling can be helpful.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your heartbroken grief, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with helpful information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz

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