When you grieve, you take that path on your own.
Others may walk with you for a few steps and listen as you express your pain.
But you will walk that path alone.
This path belongs to you alone and you walk it at your own pace.
Your pain feels like exposed nerve endings.
The wound is raw.
Your heart broken.
You don’t want to believe this is true.
Your anger is palpable. So raw it is overwhelming.
The loss you feel is the bitterest pill to swallow.
You will most likely come eventually to a place of peace.
But you will do it because you journeyed alone.
It will come in your own time.
And you will find it by travelling your own way.
Shock
Disbelief
How can they be gone?
How can this be over?
I am angry that they are gone.
I am angry that this is over.
What if I had done this?
I regret not doing that.
What if
What if
Sadness
Deep deep sadness
This is real, it is really over.
They are really gone.
Grief will never end.
The pain may fade but it will always be here.
Sometimes it will be a fresh as though it happened only yesterday.
Other times there will be the mercy of years.
What does it all mean?
What is the meaning in the loss?
Loss wounds and paralyses.
Meaning in the loss empowers me to find a path forward.
It helps me make sense of my grief.
What is meaning?
What does it look like?
It is many shapes, colours and sizes.
It may be gratitude for the time spent with the one you love.
It may be commemorating and honouring the one who is gone.
It may be realising how short our lives are and of the need to live each moment fully.
It may be campaigning to find a cure for what killed them, or to prevent the cause of their death such as campaigning on drink driving, or speed.
When there is meaning the grieving is easier.
When meaning is absent there can be such an overwhelming focus on life with the loved one that all purpose and direction is gone.
Meaning comes through finding a way to sustain your love for the person after they are gone while continuing to live. In many ways, you will have a greater sense of the preciousness of life because of the one you lost. Living life to the fullest is how we honour the dead.
You have a choice to grieve or to detach from life, including the opportunity to experience joy.
Remember:
Meaning is relative and personal.
It takes time, and by this I mean it may take years
It doesn’t require understanding of why that person died.
When you find meaning you will still not feel that meaning was worth the cost of what you lost.
Loss is not a test, lesson, something to handle, a gift or a blessing. It is simply what happens in life. Meaning is what you make happen.
You are the only one who can find your own meaning.
Meaningful connections will heal painful memories.
If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief journey and search for meaning, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz