One of the hardest things people have to do is to put their parents and other elderly relatives into aged care. It is usually a last resort decision made when their elderly parent has reached the point of being unable to care for themselves

There is a lot of emotional pain in making that decision.

The decision is one that carries a lot of guilt. “Shouldn’t I look after them?”

It is even harder if you have to make that decision and your parent is not wanting to go into aged care.

There is also the concern about the care your parent will receive in aged care. There is so much spoken about in the media around poor care and abuse of elderly aged care residents that it can feel like you are sending your parent to their death.

The Beginning of the End

Placing your parent in aged care also signals the beginning of the end. They have now entered the final stage of life. There is no being able to be living at home anymore.

This means that placing a relative in aged care is a source of grief. It is the end of many things.

• Having an independent parent

• Having a home to visit

• The anticipation of the end of their life (even if that may take a long time)

• Losing that close contact as other people take over their care and your ability to visit is now governed by the rules of the facility.

• Having to accept other people’s ideas about what is the best care for your parent.

The Experience of The Parent

On the flip side, the person going into aged care experiences myriad losses as well.

• Being independent

• Losing your home

• Losing pets

• Losing your freedom

• Losing contact with people you usually saw in the community

• Losing your sense of identity

The Need for Support for All

There is much that can be done to support both family and the individual in this situation.

For the family, the quality of care their family member receives has been shown to impact on how the family copes with the transition into aged care and the later death of their parent.

Being able to be involved in decisions around your parent’s care and being kept well informed about their health, options for care and being able to make choices.

For the parent there is a need for sensitivity and understanding from the staff. Good communication around the procedures of the facility and being given choices are also important. Attending to care needs in a timely manner is also important. Flexible visiting hours are also important for both family and the individual.

A pleasant homely environment, activities and opportunities to interact with others are also important for the parent.

Access to counselling support for the parent is important and it is sometimes helpful for the family to receive counselling support as well.

Can I Help?

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you and family members with the adjustment into aged care, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

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