“the grieving have urgent reasons, even an urgent need, to feel sorry for themselves.” Didion

How often in your grief journey have you allowed yourself to feel sorry for the loss you have faced?

How often have you felt guilty for feeling sorry for yourself?

Why is it that our society does not allow people to sit with grief?

Why are people not allowed to wallow in their grief?

Why are people expected to “get on with their lives”?

Why are people expected to not act as though a massive hole has opened up in their life?


Why is our society so frightened of death?

Why are grieving people avoided?

Why are people sent to die in hospitals, far away from the living?

Why are people so frightened of the dead?

Why do we as a society rush to shut down the grieving person?

Why do we as a society ask the grieving why they aren’t over it yet when the funeral has just happened?

Why has our society created so many taboos around death?


Our society operates on a cult of the young. We spend large amounts of money trying to look younger and stay younger. The beautiful people in the media hide their wrinkles and grey hair instead of celebrating it.

There is no right of passage into old age. The time most associated with death.

There is no acknowledging death.

It is spoken of in hushed terms, if at all.

For the grieving person there is a need for self compassion. There is a need to feel sorry for your loss – after all, you are the one who actually knows what it feels like!

You need to spend time comforting yourself.

You need to spend time making allowances for yourself.

You need to be the one cutting yourself some slack about getting the tasks of living attended to.

If you don’t do it, then who will?

Few people remember your loss.

It is not that they are uncaring, although some are. It is more that life is busy and people get on with their own lives.

But for you, there is a hole in your life.

How do you move on in life with that hole there?

It won’t happen quickly. You need time to sit with your grief. You need time to show self compassion. You need time to feel sorry for yourself.

Just as a wound eventually fills with new tissue and heals, leaving a scar, so will your hole in your life heal and leave you with a scar.

Then you will be able to move on into the rest of your life.

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief and the tasks of living, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au

If you would like to learn more, I write a regular newsletter with interesting information, tips, information on courses, and the occasional freebie. At the moment I have a free mindfulness meditation for anyone who signs up to my newsletter. This meditation offers a way to safely explore your feelings and learn to be okay with them. If you would like to subscribe please click on the link here: http://eepurl.com/g8Jpiz

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