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Some time ago I wrote blogs about the fawn and freeze responses. Today I am writing about the flight and fight responses.
I once saw a useful graphic of how your defence response works.
It starts with you feeling safe and able to socialise with others. To do that you need to be able to answer a question with a yes.
I should say at this point that it is not your conscious brain that is asking the question. In a dangerous situation your conscious brain does not have time to answer such a question. It is areas of your brain below the level of conscious control that are asking and answering these questions. To do this, these areas will look for pattern matches to previous situations. This may be a tone of voice, other sounds, a smell, non-verbal communication from the other person and so on. This background pattern matching is why you may react to something without being aware of danger.
The question is “Can I protect myself through authentic connection with others?”
If your brain can answer yes, then you stay there. You feel safe and there is no need for any escalation into defence mode.
If your brain answers no, that you cannot protect yourself, then your brain will trigger more defensive strategies. Your brain may answer no because you are being physically or verbally threatened by another person. You may be in a situation with another person emotionally threatening you, maybe by the things they are saying to you, or about you. Being in a social situation where someone is making negative comments about you is threatening.
If your brain answers no then it will switch you into readiness for flight mode.
Again, if your brain asks the question “Can I protect myself by running away from the threat?) then your brain switches to fight mode.
Once more, the question your brain will ask is “Can I protect myself by being assertive and addressing the threat head on?
If you can’t then your brain switches to Fawn mode. Here the question will be “Can I protect myself by rejecting or suppressing my true self?)
If your brain answers no then finally, as a final protection response, it will ask the question “Can I protect myself by shutting down, disconnecting or collapsing” At this point you will freeze.
So this is the cascade of reactions in your brain as a reaction to threat.
Now for a discussion about Fight and Flight.
Different parts of your nervous system are activated in your danger response. The part activated in fight or flight is the sympathetic nervous system.
The sympathetic nervous system brings about mobilisation.
You may have heard about its opposite system, the parasympathetic nervous system. These two systems work together to keep you in a level state, until you face danger. Then they spring into action. Without making things too complicated, there is another part of your nervous system – the Vagus nerve – that works with these systems to keep you in a level state. I will explain more about the Vagus nerve in another blog.
So the sympathetic nervous system is about mobilisation. It is about you either standing and fighting or running away.
One of the things that happens with the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) activation is that you are no longer connected to others. This is necessary to protect you. In a dangerous situation you do not have the time to consult others. This works well in a situation of physical danger, but can be a problem in our modern world where our dangers are not as often physical and where the support of others may be beneficial.
It is ironic that when you are in a state of equilibrium between the two different nervous systems you feel safe and secure. Your sense of safety is enhanced by the presence of others. Suddenly you are in danger and you isolate yourself from that safety net. What you feel once that system is activated is isolated and in danger.
When your fight/flight response is activated your thinking brain will go offline. It will be hard for you to communicate with others or hear them.
One thing that you lose once the SNS activates is your hearing. You can no longer hear other voices. What You can hear is low frequency sounds of potential physical predators or the high frequency sounds made by another in distress. You are now able to hear danger, not connection.
You also lose your ability to read the facial expressions of others. This can lead to you misreading other people’s faces. If someone has a neutral expression, for example, you will read it as being dangerous.
In order to supply your muscles with the oxygen needed to function in an alert or running away state, your heart speeds up to allow a more rapid exchange of oxygen. Your breathing becomes shallow and more rapid.
You may be aware of racing thoughts and a difficulty concentrating. You will also develop what is known as tunnel vision. This means you will be focused on the danger and not notice other things.
You may become dizzy if your body cannot use up the extra oxygen you are taking on board.
In order to push blood to the muscles, other parts of your body will shut down. The main one is your digestion. As part of this you may notice your mouth becomes dry. You may also feel “butterflies” in your stomach and may feel nauseous. You may also feel the need to empty your bladder as the muscles in the bladder relax as part of that shut down.
Your hands will get cold as the external areas of the body shut down. In fact, all your skin will get cold due to shutting down. Your palms will also become sweaty as your body tries to release heat so that you don’t overheat during the dangerous situation.
Finally your muscles will tense ready for action. As part of being ready for action they may shake as well. You will be very restless and unable to remain still.
In a SNS state you will avoid contact with others. Your sense of the world is of an unfriendly place where there is danger everywhere.
If your brain tells you to stop and fight, you are likely to be confrontational, intense and antagonistic. Other people will notice your body posture become rigid and your tone of voice sound challenging. They will also sense an intense energy from you.
You may recognise a lot of these reactions in people you encounter daily. The abusive customer, the road rage driver, the aggressive person on the street. These are all people who are in highly stressed states who are experiencing a fight/flight response.
These states are really scary. For you, and for others who witness them. If you stay and fight, you may be considered aggressive and dangerous. You may say and do things that cause you problems. If you run away you may find it hard to go back to what was, in your mind, a dangerous situation.
You may find these states scary and frightening. You may even dread them happening and want to be able to stop reacting this way. Your reactions are learned in life, especially in early childhood. As I mentioned earlier, your brain forms patterns of danger that it matches. It does this to protect you. But the patterns are not precise. So they approximately match earlier patterns. This leads to reactions at times when you are maybe not in danger. It is not uncommon for a person to feel terrified and thrown into a fight or flight reaction then later find out the situation was not as dangerous as you thought.
In these situations you have not overreacted. Your fear was valid. To others it may not have looked dangerous, but to your brain it was. This is where seeking counselling with a trauma trained counsellor can be helpful.
As a trauma trained counsellor, I have the skills to help you attend to what needs to be healed. If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you, please contact me on 0409396608 or nan@plentifullifecounselling.com.au
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