Grief triggers that bring back all the pain

My grandfather died a long time ago. I wasn’t yet 20.

I thought I was finished with all the sadness of my grandfather’s death.

Many years later I was undertaking more study. One brilliant man in the field of my study had written many papers and books. His photo, usually on the fly leaf or the back cover, reminded me of my grandfather.

This man died. I never met him, only heard his voice in recordings and read his words. But when I heard he had died I cried inconsolably for some time.

It wasn’t him I was crying for. It was my grandfather.

Years after he had died, I was still grieving.

The reminder of him in this man was enough to bring up the fresh pain of his death.

A friend lost her husband very young to an accident.

Years after his death she heard of another husband to someone she didn’t know dying in similar circumstances.

That reminder was enough to bring up the fresh pain of her husband’s death all those years ago.

Another friend lost a child many years ago.

The death of another person’s child was enough to bring up for her the fresh pain of her own child’s death.

These triggers are everywhere.

They come up without warning, smashing through all those coping skills you have learned over the years.

It is like you have been torn up at the roots and your roots are exposed and vulnerable.

You find yourself reliving the pain. Reliving the grief.

Grieving is never really over and that is okay.

It is not pleasant when those triggers bring it all back up again.

The best you can do is give yourself permission to feel the pain.

Be kind to yourself.

Take time out if you need to.

Reach out to someone you trust for support.

If you would like to talk to me about how I can help you with your grief and the triggers that bring all the pain back, please contact me on 0409396608 or

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